Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope

When I was pregnant with Lily, I joined a few online groups for babies due in August 2010.  I was lucky enough to "meet" a sweet girl, Kristin whose due date was the day after mine.

When we were 26 weeks pregnant with our daughters, Kristin's baby died.  She continues her story still, just as she began writing it when she was pregnant...in letters to her baby:  http://dearbabycook.blogspot.com/ 

This brave young woman shares her story so honestly and authentically. It is heartbreaking and beautiful because it is so very raw.

In her grieving, she began a "movement", if you will, called "Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope" to put a face on the loss of babies.  There are so many women who have endured the loss of a baby and for as lonely as it felt after our miscarriage, this website offers connection and comfort...and hope.

I have been reading and crying through so many stories over the last several months and have found comfort in not being the only "face" grieving a lost baby.

After Lily was born, my husband said, "I wonder if our first baby was a boy or a girl."  Postpartum and all, I sobbed wondering the same thing.

A few nights ago, I overheard him talking with Lily and he said, "I'm glad you're exactly you." 

I didn't interrupt. 

It brought tears to my eyes knowing how much we both love our baby we lost, yet everything happened exactly as it was supposed to have happened.

We have Lily...and cannot IMAGINE life without her.

After overhearing George talking with Lily, I decided to share our story on the Faces of Loss site, as well.

http://www.facesofloss.com/2010/09/stephanie-angel-baby-july-2nd-20009.html#more

**edited to add....I'm doing just fine...so blessed. ♥  I just wanted to bring to light this amazing website and how much I admire Kristin for her own blog and her ability to create such a place for women to connect. ♥

Oma, Andrew, & Lily

I have some catching up to do from the last month or so and I figure the best place to start is when my mom came to visit from Arizona and met Lily for the first time!


Lily was 5 weeks old the day she met her Oma. ♥


She came to spend time with us and also her lifelong best friend who lives outside of Pittsburgh and is living with cancer. (I was born in Pittsburgh and we moved to AZ when I was 6).

It was the end of summer for Andrew, school hadn't started yet, so he and Oma had great quality time together too!

My mom and Andrew have always been very close even though we lived in Tennessee and she was in Arizona for the first couple years of his life. When I got divorced, Andrew and I moved back to Arizona and lived with my mom while I finished school. She was crucial in the success of my education because she helped me with my then 2 1/2 year old son. We lived with her for 2 years as we worked on rebuilding our lives. Andrew and I moved into our own place almost exactly two years after we moved in with her. He started kindergarten and I started student teaching. I graduated that December and got a full-time teaching job in January --mid year.

I'm so grateful that my mom and Andrew continue to be close no matter where we live as we've been in Pittsburgh for the last 3 years.

Oma and Andrew spent a lot of time in the pool together over the 10 days she was here!

Lily is blessed to be born having such a loving, involved grandmother no matter how geographically close she may be...

It's Back...

Yeah. 

That "it".

It was nice not having to enjoy your visit each month for the last near year and the back pain you bring me.

I'm hoping the IUD keeps you somewhat at bay also in the near future.  We'll see.

Instead, today I have cramping in my lower back, a fussy baby and my nemesis, laundry, all making themselves a priority on this rainy, non-sunshiney day.

Lily: 2 months

This is what 2 months looks like for Lily.

This long and lean little monkey has completely gotten us wrapped around her finger!

Andrew says things like: "The sun got a little bit brighter when Lily was born." and "Mom, thanks again for Lily."  He's so sweet with her, always wants to help and is very considerate. Reagan likes to "look at her" and is still trying to figure out just what to do with this little person who can't talk with her yet. Daddy adores her and she adores him right back. She follows him with her eyes and keeps her eyes glued on him. It makes me fall more and more in love with him as I watch him with her.  He has more nicknames for her than I can keep track of, but my favorite is "Lily Vanilli"...Girl you know it's true...ooh ooh ooh I love you!

Mommy is well, Mommy...completely in love with this baby, fascinated by how much she changes each day, honored to be given the gift and responsibility to raise her.

I love her one dimple. I love her baby feet and how she keeps her legs straight out in the air and scrunches up her toes. I love that yesterday we were standing in line waiting to check out at a consignment sale and this older woman behind us said, "Your daughter is beautiful and I was watching her look at you and thought it was so amazing how connected you two are. She was mesmerized looking in your eyes and completely bonded. You could see so much love between you two."  This woman was so genuine in her words and I appreciate that she chose to share her thoughts with me. And of course, if you know anything about me, you know it brought tears to my eyes.

She's really started smiling A LOT --more than just in her sleep smiling. She's got this big gummy grin where she looks like she's gonna eat you with how wide her mouth is open!  (I wasn't able to get it in our "photo shoot".) 

It's sweet to hear her voice in coos and ahhhhhs, as she's begun "talking" with us too. She pretty much cries only when she's tired, hungry, or has a bellyache and the rest of the time is very content. She loves to ride in the car and almost always falls asleep immediately when we go somewhere.

Bedtime has changed recently also. She started sleeping in her crib in her room at 7 weeks and hasn't had any trouble with that adjustment. (Neither have I haha). Typically she's been falling asleep around midnight after eating...and has been mostly sleeping anywhere until between 6:30am and 7:15am. LUCKY! (Occasionally she'll stir around 4:45am for a few minutes, but for the most part we make it until the morning.)

This little lady is such a blessing and we're so happy it's HER that we have welcomed into our family!

Happy 2 months, Lily. ♥

This was Daddy's rocking chair from when he was a baby. ♥

2 Month Doctor Visit

Lily had her 2 month well visit today!

I'm proud to say, my little monkey has gained nearly 3 pounds since our last visit!
She went from 6lbs, 8ozs. to 9lbs, 4ozs. and she grew a couple inches too! She's now 21 1/2 inches long.

I LOVE her pediatrician! She is so enthusiastic, kind and encouraging. I could also love her because she calls my baby "perfect" haha! :)

Lily has gained weight, grown, and is eating as she should be. Everything was great with her health and check up! Sadly for mama --and I have horrible guilt about it--she's only nursing twice a day and living on formula the rest of the time. I cried about it at the doctor today too and Dr. Kelly was wonderful with me. Positive. The breastfeeding is for another post...

Dr. Kelly described Lily as being very aware, alert and strong also. RIGHT after she said how strong she is, Lily nearly rolled over. :) So,the doctor smiled and said, "Well, make sure you don't leave her...I don't usually have to say that for sure for a couple more months."

It was also time for her 1st shots. :(

The rotavirus vaccine is one that Andrew didn't get as a baby --Dr. said it was new since then, so this was new to me. The nurse kept saying, "I can't believe she's totally drinking this! Most babies have it come out the sides of their mouths or choke on it, but she's taking it like a champ." ha

Yucky. :(

Yeah, she was NOT a happy girl. :(

We're so happy Lily is healthy and growing.
I still cannot believe how fast she's growing!

Gymboree Giveaway & A New Blog Friend

I LOVE Gymboree clothes for baby girls and little girls!

I blogged a long time ago about my obsession with their blankets when I was still pregnant with Lily: Baby Blanket and PJ Obsession

When I go to the mall, I always go in and my favorite store is north of Pittsburgh. I NEVER buy clothes if they're not on sale or clearance!

Today I went in to see what there was. Now that Lily's here and I have a better feel for her sizing, I'm ready to go! I bought her the most adorable smocked dress with purple flowers:

Yep. I paid $8.99 for this and keeping with my tradition of not spending more than $10 bucks on clothes for my babies and toddlers, I am thrilled with this purchase!

Which brings me to why I'm blogging about Gymboree in addition to my find today...

One of my favorite bloggers, Lacey recommended a new blog:

Emily

and

Emily is hosting a giveaway

for GYMBOREE!

and

Emily

is

from

Pittsburgh!

Granted she lives in Michigan now, but she's a Pittsburgher. :)

See, it all comes full circle!

Check out her blog and her adorable little girl!

Every day's a Great Day for Hockey

Lots of hockey lately!

Andrew plays twice a week and my stepdaughter goes to one game a week when she's with us. They both love playing and it's been awesome to see them grow and improve over the last few years. Andrew's been playing consistently --Fall, Winter, Spring-- since we moved to Pittsburgh in the Fall of 2007 and Reagan has played twice in a league.

So far they each have an assist for the season as it's just gotten underway.

Andrew's been playing defense primarily. The first shift he played wing, was when he had an assist.

Lily got a little more involved in her big brother's game this week...she woke up.

Reagan's 1st game, she played defense and last weekend she played goalie.

I love this picture of her!

She plays hard the whole time. :)

George guides her and helps coach her from behind the net.

Monday Minute...The Finale.

Click on the button above to link up for Ian's final Monday Minute!

Do it.

1. Have you ever lied on one of your Monday Minute answers?
~Nope. Should I start now??? Oh damn. This is the last Monday Minute. Shucks. And to think I could have started lying.


2. What is on your bedside table?
~Ummm....a clock radio, a pregnancy test, 3 half full bottles of water, a white Gerbera daisy, a letter and a book.

3. Lose your sight or hearing?
~Of course I'd choose neither, but between these two... sight.  I'm such a visual person that my mind can picture what I hear. I cannot imagine a life without music.


4.Would you rather give up all kinds of sexual contact for one full year or give up your DVR for three months?
~ I haven't even had a dvr for a year of my life. I could TOTALLY live without it despite loving it.  Living without my husband's lovin'...not.an.option.

and finally...


5. Name one thing that you are proud of that you've accomplished in your life.
~I'll name two: Andrew and Lily. ♥

Pour Your Heart Out...The Anger List

Anger isn't something I like to feel.

Yesterday I was angry about a lot of different things.

It was insinuated on a blog that I don't care enough about my stepdaughter to send her in new clothes to school, which is false in its own right, but none the less, the insinuation was there.  That I'm somehow less of a parent because I don't believe school is a fashion show in elementary school.

How many times did I have kids in my own classroom who cried because their moms would "get mad" if they got dirty?  It is about your child's perception whether you meant it that way or not.

So, I send my son and my stepdaughter to school in comfortable and appropriate clothing for learning and playing on the playground and in P.E.  They don't wear flip flops or open toed shoes to school. Their playgrounds have mulch as the base and let's face it, mulch under and between your toes is gross, in addition to the potential injury factor.

That's my choice and decision as a parent. 

I don't criticize the fashion show parents either.

I guess it just set me off.  Sometimes that happens and fortunately, it's not all the time.

You know those moments, when one thing pisses you off and everything else in your day simply follows suit.

My husband doesn't do sick well. Crankypants.

And he's been suffering from a cold for nearly two weeks now.

We got into an argument which contributed to my anger.

In our relationship, arguing isn't destructive...there's no name calling or degrading. Just disagreement when it happens.

But, the emotion is still there.

The Anger List also included: feelings about past allegations and accusations, my ex husband's planning skills, a family member's behavior, the dvr being set to record two programs, so I couldn't watch the 3rd I wanted to watch while it was on, Amber on Teen Mom...

You know when the day begins that way, all the little things get magnified.

I don't do angry well.

I hoping today will feel better.

Oh yeah! I went to the dentist too and as I drove up, Eminem was on the radio.

Grrrrr...

Cuddles & Kisses

It's a Great Day for Hockey!

We're a hockey family.

Hence the name of this blog. :)

{formerly "Got One Past the Goalie"}

Andrew started his Fall hockey season yesterday.

It was a perfect weather day...sunny and warm.

He played defense the whole game.

Mustangs win in OT! 4-3

And this is what Lily did the whole time...