A Little Recap

I've clearly not been blogging as regularly the last few weeks, but I'm working on getting it caught up as well as planning a second {OMG!} birthday party!

Andrew's been enjoying time with his dad and that side of his family since the day school got out. I'm ready for him to be home for a few days later this week before he heads out for Scout Camp and then to Arizona immediately following camp.

Reagan's on her second week with her mom on our summer schedule this week. We finished up our first week. That's been a slight change for all of us. Things are peaceful so we're adjusting to going from busy school time to all down time when she's here and the adjustment at her mom's is going from 2 full days to 7 full days.

Lily's been loving her time with just us, but does miss "bubba" and "sissy" too. She's been busy with her own friends though, hitting up the zoo and the North Shore water steps in the last two weeks. {some of the posts I'm working on}

Of course, there's been a lot of Lily asking for "Bub bub bubble guppies!" which has become her favorite new show. And when I say favorite, I actually mean obsessed. She tells us which episode she wants to watch and names all the characters each time it starts, dances to the theme song, squeals with laughter as it begins and chatters about the episodes and characters all day long. Did I mention obsessed?

Potty training is soon to hit full force in our house. She hides when she's pooping, she asks to get on the potty when we're in the bathroom and the other day wanted to wear her Minnie undies. So, we picked up the seat to fit on the regular seat and after our trip to pick up Andrew, we're on it!

We had an unbearably hot week last week and this week the weather is heavenly~ in the 70s and 80s with low humidity again! One night is even supposed to be 48!

We've been trying to make the most of our time just enjoying hanging out at home, going to the park, getting ice cream, playing outside and just enjoying summer.

 George has started playing with a band this summer which has been great too! Reag went with him to practice last week and was so excited! It's been a really good thing for him. He loves playing guitar and after the last too many few years of drama, he needed something just for him. The time committment is the right fit, he's happy with group of guys and it makes him happy. Which makes me happy.

Happy summer!

In the Blender

It's always interesting being in a blended family.  This is my second time around, actually. My first husband had two children--one girl, one boy from a previous marriage.  They were 4 and 2, respectfully when I met them. Now, they are 16 and 14.  My son still has a relationship with them, still calls them his brother and sister and still sees them when he is in Tennessee visiting his dad. 

Once a stepmom.  Second time a stepmom. 

I met and have been together with my now husband since 2007. In 2010,  biomom informed me I was now "officially a part of her daughter's life."  I suppose the previous three years she'd hoped I leave?

I think learning that you no longer have control or get a say in your ex's household, who he/she is with, how he/she parents the children in their home is a bitter pill to swallow. Moreso for some than others.

It certainly bothered me when my ex-husband and I first split up for sure.  So much so, that there's a clause in our divorce decree/parenting plan that says "neither party can have overnight guests of the opposite sex except related by blood or marriage."  Or something to that effect.  I don't know because I have looked at it in YEARS. I don't need it as reference because I simply talk to his dad about him.

Clearly, that clause was added by me to protect my son from exposure to any number of girlfriends his dad might want to have around, but truthfully also to protect my own heart.  I was hurt and starting over.  Most people don't think they have to start over at 30.  I was trying to shield my 3 year old from things that I also didn't want to yet deal with at 30.

We never went back to court to amend that and since that time long ago, we have all moved on and been respectful of our son and his life, well-being, and happiness.  I have since remarried to a man my son loves, my exhusband is engaged to be married to a woman my son loves.  What more can I ask for?

The other half of my story is filled with chaos, accusation and drama. ALL.THE.TIME.

As I said previously, we simply don't allow the negativity in anymore.  If there is business to attend to with the biomom, it is handled and that is it. 

Four years later, her need to control what we I do, hasn't lessened.  That's ok with me. Not my issue.  I don't try to control what goes on with her.  Am I concerned about my stepdaughter ALL the time? Absolutely. Whether it's her time at our home or her mom's, yes. 

But really... Who cares where I am when biomom picks up?  Who cares if we didn't spend my stepdaughter's birthday the way biomom thought we should? Who cares if my stepdaughter's play shoes get dirty when she plays outside? etc. etc. etc. 

I don't presume to tell biomom how to feel or behave other than to ask for respect in front of HER daughter, my stepdaughter. 

Rest assured, my stepdaughter loves me, is a part of our home and family, is respectful in our home and "gets it" way more than biomom gives her credit.

Don't put your children in the middle when something needs discussed.  Hey, if you want to pick up early, pick up the phone, call and ask. Not me.  Don't ask your already conflicted child to ask for you and to choose one home over another...yet again.

Parents don't realize with these actions, they are changing who their children are.

Put them first. Not under the guise that you are. REALLY do it.

There will always be struggles and points of things we all don't agree on.  My ex-husband and I disagree still. That's ok with me.  It doesn't become a game of control. We can communicate and either resolve it or simply disagree about it.

It's really nice to not have to argue about children in two-thirds of my life.  I'm hoping the other one-third will eventually follow suit.
It makes for a happy life!

Here's to hope. ♥

One Call Can Change A Life

The sun had been shining all day, we headed off to my son's baseball game, one of his first of the season. It was a perfect spring day in Pittsburgh--pleasantly warm, sunny weather during the day and as the sun began to set, the weather got a little cooler. The kind of day that brings the promise of summer right around the bend...

My stepdaughter, barely 5 years old, played in the grass spinning in circles during the baseball game. She put on my son's hat because she "had to wear a baseball hat too" and threw on his hockey jersey as she was getting chilly towards the end of the game. 
The phone rang.  My husband (then fiance) looked at it then quickly back at me and said, "It's the attorney."

I literally thought my heart would pound out of my chest. My palms were sweating and I held my breath as he answered.  We knew this call would come any day. We had completed the custody trial a few weeks earlier and were awaiting the judge's ruling.

It's been nearly two years since my stepdaughter has come to live with us half time.  In April 2009, after 2 1/2 years in the court system, my husband was granted Shared Custody. 

It didn't end there, however.  We faced biological mom's appeal of the trial court's decision and went before Superior Court.  In December, 2009, we finally received Superior Court's ruling that upheld Shared Custody.  

Today, I read about a bill in the House in Pennsylvania being proposed that would presume joint/shared custody for families unless proven that it should NOT be shared.  Apparently, this bill was introduced once before and is now being re-introduced.

The short version, after having lived through this far too long, is that right now the court decides shared custody on a "case-by-case" basis, most often assuming one parent is better for the child than the other. This bill proposes that the court will grant shared custody unless proven why is SHOULDN'T be.

Doesn't that seem logical?

It would lessen using a child as a reason just to litigate and lessen using a child to "get back" at a parent in an effort to alienate the parent from their child. 

As I said, in our case specifically, from the filing date to the upholding of the appeal date, it was 2 1/2 years. 

How much lost time for my stepdaughter's life being able to LIVE?  She was 3 when we started and she was 2 months shy of 6 years old when it ended in the court...for now.

So, for nearly three years of her young life, HALF of her life, instead of being able to truly live a life with both her parents and their new families, she was a pawn in the court game.

Imagine if this law had been in place when my husband filed for shared custody? Well, first of all, if it HAD been he wouldn't have had to file for it.  But, the thought of how many countless hours that COULD have been spared instead spent in preparation for every court appearance, psychological evaluations, emotional discussions, back and forth, up and down, the money spent on both sides, the number of man hours and dollars spent in investigating the false accusations (that probably would have still occurred, quite honestly), the amount of money spent on attorneys and court fees.

I was reading a blog of a fellow stepmother the other day and found myself reliving much of my own experience in what she was enduring. My heart was racing as I read her story remembering the anxiousness in waiting for results and answers throughout those years.

Given that we live in a society where blended families is more of the norm these days, why is this antiquated court system so far behind?

Perhaps because my OWN parenting plan was simple and my ex-husband and I worked out all the details and didn't battle, that I know it can be done.  Yes, we argued about things---there were feelings of resentment, betrayal, anger, etc. all going on during that time, but neither one of us put that on our son or the details surrounding our son.

I think people should put their own feelings aside to do what is right for their children. In fact, my own attorney listed me as having "sole custody" as it was still referred in 2003, and I specifically changed it to "joint."  Granted our situation is a little different living in different states, so I have physical custody, but we have joint legal custody of our son.
My ex-husband and I were in court one time. ONCE. When our divorce was finalized. 

Simply going through all of that is enough.  Why litigate your life away instead of living it?  At the time, I wasn't happy my marriage ended, but I certainly didn't want to destroy my son's father. And still don't.

Nearly four years later, we still get threatened with court. We haven't been in one year. Amazing!

I would wish for other families to not have to endure every child-affliated government agency coming in and turning lives upside down because one parent wants to "win."  At what cost?  The children in the middle. That's the cost.

If this bill goes through, imagine for a moment, how many children's lives JUST might not have to endure adult issues and simply get to be children.  I have one child of divorce in my home who has a childhood and one child of a split who speaks more adult-like than most adults I know.  I hope other children can be offered the former.

Children have the RIGHT to have BOTH their parents in their lives when their parents are fit.  They didn't ask to be born or for you to split and when you look your child in the eyes and speak badly about their other parent, you are speaking badly about half of your own child.  Simply.

Here's a copy of the original bill to be re-introduced: HB 463



Call or email your representatives in Pennsylvania and show your support of this bill! Do it whether it affects your life personally or not...because ultimately, ALL of these children are our future. And if your state doesn't have a similar law, push for one.   Find Your Legislator Here

Not So Traditional Holidays

I've had a lot of thoughts swirling in my head the last week or so as I've begun thinking about the holidays and our schedules with our kids.

I am at a place of total acceptance regarding custodial schedules.

It is simply the way it is.

Some years I think it works out perfectly and others it just seems there's more running around than enjoying. But, when there are other parts of our children's families involved, it sometimes falls that way.
Although I am in a place of acceptance, I've come to realize not everyone else involved is.

A few weeks ago while I was driving Reagan to school, she asked me about how her Christmas schedule was this year.  And yes, just the fact that this 6 year old was concerned about her "schedule" was sad for me...

So, I explained that she's going to wake up this year on Christmas morning with her mom and then we'll get her later that day. She muttered a quiet, "oh".  I asked what was wrong and she said, "It's Lily's first Christmas and I'm not going to be there."

She's right.

And that's just the way it is. 

However, just because that's how it is, doesn't make it easy on the kids either.

I smiled at her in the rearview mirror and said, "You know what?! This year, Lily is still really little and she's not going to know what's going on, but NEXT year when you'll be here to wake up with us, she'll be almost 1 & 1/2 and more aware and excited, so it's PERFECT that you'll be here to wake up with all of us then!"

She smiled and said, "Yeah."

I just try to make the best out of it for them because truth be told, of course she wants to be in both places at the same time...just as Andrew wants to be with all of his family.

I've learned through Andrew as he's gotten older, he's in a place of some acceptance.

For example, he accepts that his Christmas break from school is spent with his dad each year. He looks forward to visiting his grandparents, aunt and uncle and cousins during that time too. Does it suck for me sometimes? Yep. I don't get any time with him when he's out of school. However, it simply is the way it is. And he deserves to look forward to those times with his dad and that part of his family because he needs all of us.

I haven't welcomed in the New Year with my son in person since 2003.

And the funny thing about my son is, he is NOT a phone person. I'll get a quick, "Happy New Year" from a grumpy, tired boy who's probably thinking, "Sheesh my mom is really annoying with all this sappy holiday crap," but I know for certain if I didn't call, I'd break his heart. So, I accept the grumpy boy on the other end of the line at midnight and he accepts the sappy mom and that's how we ring in the new year together. :) 

Andrew's schedule is much different than Reagan's and this year at Christmas we have less than 24 hours together with all 5 of us.

Which makes it hard....for Santa too.  And my son is still teetering on the edge of believing and not believing...so there's another element to take into consideration. I'm thinking this year will be the final year for him.

Do you make one kid wait until after noon to open gifts to all be together? Or do you make one kid open presents esentially alone after we have spent the morning doing it all together?  It's pretty much a crap decision.  So, I'm working on a way to make it work for both of them.

We ensured all 5 of us were able to pick out our Christmas tree together this past weekend and we'll hold off on decorating the tree until we're all together. It's just something we've grown to become accustomed to and not try to cram everything into one day. It wasn't realistic with the kids' schedules Saturday to pick out the tree, get it home and set up in the house AND decorate it.

It isn't an ideal situation, but we make it work. :)

We are all very excited about Lily's 1st Christmas and more of the magic she's brought into our lives. ♥

Sharing Halloween

*There is some venting in this post.*

I love all things Fall!

Pumpkin picking, carving pumpkins, roasting seeds, the leaves, the festivals, the weather, the smells...ALL of it!

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays too! I'm not into scary stuff, but cute Halloween stuff. :)

I love making treats for Andrew's class, baking at home with the kids and now putting Lily in adorable Halloween clothes.

See????

Seriously that little punkin melts my heart!

The last few years we've established some traditions with our family that we all look forward to each year and we've been fortunate to have Reagan with us for trick-or-treating. This is year she will be at her mom's on Halloween.

It's Lily's first Halloween this year, so we're bummed it won't be all of us.

We've still been doing all of our other activities like we do each year. We live our lives, knowing that sharing holidays is simply part of sharing custody of my stepdaughter. 

Andrew's dad and I have had our holidays worked out flexibly for years and it works for us.
It's a little different because his dad lives out of state, but having a working relationship as parents is a huge benefit to Andrew.

We're lucky that our kids still go to schools where they celebrate Halloween with pumpkin carving contests, parties and parades. I love that!

Of course there HAS to be one little hiccup in the events... 

Like I said, we don't have Reagan with us on Halloween this year, as she's with her mom during that part of the week.
Reagan's parade is Friday of this week.
So, we asked Reagan's mom to send her costume in to school for Reag to wear in the Halloween parade.

She said no.

Ummm...What?

It's your daughter's school Halloween parade where the kids wear their Halloween costumes.

It's YOUR daughter's parade.

See, we didn't think it WAS a big deal since it's her daughter, her costume and her parade. Yep, nothing to do with my husband and myself as people.

We should have known the answer would be no. I, however, was surprised.

It doesn't hurt me, but we definitely had a hurt little girl last weekend.

Instead, it perpetuates a kid who thinks she gets two of everything and has to be two different people --one at our house and one with her mom.  Double everything. Things are not allowed to come to our house because "we're dirty" and "we're poor".   Reference: The Anger List

Before I get into the rest of the bullshit about my stepdaughter playing outside in tennis shoes and her play shoes being "stained" or her jeans having grass stains on them because we let her play outside--THE HORROR!--I need to get back to the costume because the rest of it is so absolutely ignorant and ridiculous, I cannot believe she even wrote it.

So, instead, we get to go get Reagan a different costume for a 15 minute parade.  And the damage done to her, once again, will most definitely last longer than 15 minutes.

I've found this is really difficult for me to write without venting all my anger about the entire situation, as I personally have never encountered a human being who is more destructive to their own child as a means of "hurting" other adults.

Basically the message we received: "She's only my daughter the 3 1/2 days she's with me." 

Yep. Two backpacks, two lunchboxes, shoes and clothes she's not allowed to bring here etc. etc. etc.

I don't know about y'all, but I'm a mom all the time....even when my son is with his dad.

Someday, maybe we'll actually SHARE custody of this little girl instead of having her torn apart each week.

I'm Tired of Your Bullshit

Unfortunately, our lives couldn't exist without the drama that is PEG.  For background, go HERE.
For those of you just joining PEG is an acronym for "psycho ex girlfriend".

The same holds true for the time surrounding the birth of our daughter. 

Several months ago, my stepdaughter, R, started asking when we were going to have the baby. Asking us if we could have her during the part of the week when she's with us --Wednesday morning- Saturday night. We explained we were due on a Saturday and hoped she would be with us. She said, "What time will you have her?"  Poor kid.  We further explained that you don't really get to pick when you're having a baby, but no matter what we'd ask her mom if it was a time when she wasn't with us, if she could come to the hospital. The look on her face was truly heartbreaking. She was defeated and said, "She won't let me." 

We did our best to try to dissuade her fears, although everything in us knew she was right.

Well, lo and behold, we ended up being induced at 37 weeks and Lily WAS born on a Saturday! We had made arrangements for R to come to the hospital that afternoon as my husband called her mother and asked if she could pick up R in front of the hospital instead of our house that night.  *(They drive right past the hospital on the way to our house...i.e. it's closer to their house.)

The answer was no.

We expected that too.

She cried and cried when it was time for my husband's parents to leave to meet her mom at our house because she was really upset about not having more time with her baby sister.  It was frustrating because it's the same bullshit we deal with all the time. The person hurt by that was my stepdaughter...again.

Close to pick up time, PEG calls my husband and says, "Have you left the hospital yet?" 
HA! Sorry, he's not leaving the hospital as you had hoped.
He told her he wasn't leaving and that his parents would meet her at our house.  Well, they were going to be late.  Should have just picked up at the hospital and made it easier for herself.

Fast forward to the following Wednesday when R returned, she said she told her mom she was upset that she didn't get picked up at the hospital to spend more time with her baby sister. 

*Regardless of what the mom and stepdad said, THIS is what R heard:

"[Stepdad] said, 'Well, if your mom was having a baby at ________hospital and we asked your dad to pick up there, he'd say no.'  My mom said, 'So, we have to follow the rules.'" 

I assume "the rules" are the court order.  Although the court order actually says that they can agree to things, but that's logical.

The irony of that is...the mom asked my husband if he could pick R up at 11am, Wednesday instead of 9am (the court ordered time), so she could sleep in.  My husband agreed.  Apparently, "the rules" are only applicable when they're convenient for the mom.

Now, this may seem ridiculous as a separate experience, however, after the last 3 years of dealing with this PEG, it's just one more rung on the ladder of annoyance. 

I had to give THAT background to lead to the twitter bullshit that took place, as a result.

See, this woman is an attention seeker.  Everything is about her. Not their daughter. The kid had a 102 fever and a stomachache and the mom took her on a Tuesday afternoon to the emergency room.  Not the doctor. Not urgent care.  The kid underwent having a cat scan, an iv, blood drawn and as it turns out, she was diagnosed with an "infection" that was later diagnosed as an ear infection when we took her to the doctor later that week.  The kid had to poop. Hence the stomachache.

But, apparently, WE didn't take her to the doctor according to "the rules".  Mind you, we learned that my stepdaughter was at the ER because a friend emailed me and asked me what was wrong.  You see, it was on twitter HOURS before my husband was contacted. Again, "the rules" only apply to my husband, it seems.

The following is reality for us:

"*From: @MommaPebz
Sent: Jul 29, 2010 7:52p

you incompetent, selfish fucks.
sent via TweetDeck
On Twitter: http://twitter.com/MommaPebz/status/19865194641

*From: @MommaPebz
Sent: Jul 29, 2010 7:52p

i dont even give a shit, I hope karma bites you in the ass so hard you pay for it for YEARS. fat fucking lazy poor excuse of a "parent".
sent via TweetDeck
On Twitter: http://twitter.com/MommaPebz/status/19865229243

*From: @MommaPebz
Sent: Jul 29, 2010 7:53p

I dont expect you to follow a doctors orders when you cant even follow a court order. big fucking surprise there.
sent via TweetDeck
On Twitter: http://twitter.com/MommaPebz/status/19865257986

*From: @MommaPebz
Sent: Jul 29, 2010 7:57p

it pisses me off to no end that u won't just stop being selfish asswipes & see the big picture for once. I had hope in ALL of this for HER.
sent via TweetDeck
On Twitter: http://twitter.com/MommaPebz/status/19865526241

*From: @MommaPebz
Sent: Jul 29, 2010 7:58p

hope that gets sucked away by your lack of caring for anyone other than yourself, regardless if she's your daughter.
sent via TweetDeck
On Twitter: http://twitter.com/MommaPebz/status/19865606862


*From: @MommaPebz
Sent: Jul 29, 2010 8:00p

some people never will change, even when a 6 year old is involved. lesson learned.
sent via TweetDeck
On Twitter: http://twitter.com/MommaPebz/status/19865732133


*From: @MommaPebz
Sent: Jul 29, 2010 8:11p

I'm Seriously pissed off at myself right now. I was happy for you & your family. Hopeful that things would improve for her. Its frustrating
sent via Twitter for BlackBerry®
On Twitter: http://twitter.com/MommaPebz/status/19866414313

*From: @MommaPebz
Sent: Jul 29, 2010 8:12p

To realize that its dumb for ever thinking anything other than bad things about you. I'm tired of this shit, but what's going on is wrong.
sent via Twitter for BlackBerry®
On Twitter: http://twitter.com/MommaPebz/status/19866493990"


After accusing me of molesting my stepdaughter and all of the other shit she put us through over the last 3 years, she sent a gift for my new baby. *(for those of you thinking maybe she's turned over a new leaf, the above twitter crap was AFTER the gift was sent.  She'll NEVER change.)  Buying gifts will never make things better. I'm not like you.

Seriously disturbed individual.  You cannot undo all the destruction you have attempted.

Whether you made it to this point, or not, is ok with me. I wrote this to get it out of me. 

I'm tired of the bullshit.

And telling R, she now has a  HALF sister is equally as screwed up as you are.  If it makes YOU feel better to say that, keep it to yourself, you are hurting HER.

I'd appreciate if you'd keep your crap to yourself. Thank you.

Regarding the Ugly Side...

*This is the last time I will be posting about this ugliness in my life, especially on my pregnancy blog. I did feel strongly enough though that her "friends" who are reading my blog need to see HER words.

A message to my fiance regarding their child.

And for the record, I am the bartender. (no space needed)


From: *******


To: G******

Sent: 04/01/10 11:09PM



"you sound as stupid as you look, honestly. What was said in court and you damn well know it, was you asked to start the schedule this week, & I said to you then why dont you just take your vacation now since R was already with you, & you screamed NO I DONT WANT TO DO THAT BOOHOO. Once you got home & talked it out with whoever, you manipulated the system, plain & simple. 2 people heard this conversation, so the fact that you would even lie about something so trivial proves your piece of shit mentality. I already called the judge himself & told him what you did, not that it matters anyways, but it's just more proof of what a devious little bitch you really are.



If life experiences involve divorce, bar tending, killing someone, losing my 3x refinanced house because I'm too poor to pay the mortgage, having mommy & daddy pay my way out of everything else, creditors suing me right & left because I live off of credit, working a shit job because I have no education to do anything better with my life, DUI'S, Anger management, not showering for 3 days, getting food at the food bank etc, then I Thank GOD I am as inexperienced as I am. My inexperience has provided my child with a stable, loving environment where SHE is put first, so there really is no reason for you to be concerned about my inexperience in life.

Whatever, this was expected, just like everything else you have done so selfishly without EVER considering R. I love how you gave her false hope that she was coming home Wed, then ripped that from her, then told her she could come visit Friday, & then ripped that from her too. When she grows up to hate you, you have no one to blame but yourself.


I am in agreement with you that this website is done. I will not be renewing - If you don't like it, file a motion. You are a natural born liar & manipulator and always will be, & I'm done allowing you to continue to RUIN our child with your bullshit games. If you have no one to attack & blame on a daily basis for your faults, maybe you will finally get over it & stop using R as your pawn. Furthermore, you could use that extra $100 to pay the rent on your 2/1 like you said.


I will be printing up the calendars before my subscription expires, so if there's any more last minute changes that you claim to have told me about on Tuesday, fix them.


I am done playing your games. It is SO obvious your only intention in doing this to our child day after day after day is to try and screw me over because you are SO butt hurt that I left you - proven by your begging for me to look at you on Tuesday. (which, if I felt the need to vomit, rest assured I would have looked at you.) R is not a game, & I have told you this from the beginning, & I have begged, pleaded, & the like with you to stop with your shit and put her first. BUT, you can't be bothered with that, So, I can't be bothered with your shit anymore. If it's not about R in a factual, to the point manner, don't contact me. Period end of story.

& Go ahead & try to use this msg against me, I don't really care. If you can call me trash in front of the judges face, I surely am allowed to tell you candidly how I feel in the comfort of my own home."

Pour Your Heart Out...The Ugly Side

Click on the box above to link up at Shell's for this bloghop and connection...

I decided that I really wanted to participate in "Pour Your Heart Out" because, honestly, that is why I write. Simply. Sometimes it’s funny. Sometimes it’s heartbreaking. Sometimes it’s inspirational. Sometimes it’s happy. All the time it’s honest and a place for me to clear my head and my heart. The subject of this blog entry has affected EVERY aspect of my life, including both of my pregnancies in the last year.


I have a happy life--a great man, who adores me, wants to marry me, loves my son as his own, ensures we are taken care of in every way and is the father of my unborn daughter. He is the man I hear when I listen to music, that I dream of sitting on our front porch with when we’re old, that I walk beside in every part of my life. I have a son who means the world to me. Everything I do, I do for him. There are not enough words to describe the love one has for a child. I am so happy to have a partner to share in that. I have a stepdaughter whom I love as my own and have, seemingly from the moment I met her half her life ago. She is a part of our family in every way. I am pregnant after experiencing a miscarriage. I love the baby we miscarried and I am in love with this baby in my belly now.

I also have a really ugly part of my life. Evil ugly. It is poisonous and vile and dark and disgusting. I don’t hide it, but I certainly don’t advertise it either.

In most instances, one can simply just make adjustments and shed the diseased portion of their lives. In this instance, I cannot. Sure, I could walk out on my life --my fiance, my home, my stepdaughter, my unborn baby having her family. But, you see, that’s really not an option.

Custody is difficult. It doesn’t have to be a battle. It doesn’t have to be a control factor. It doesn’t have to be something that people use to try to destroy others. As cliché as it sounds, the person who truly suffers is the child. Well, after the molestation accusations, and physical abuse accusations, Children’s Services coming into our home multiple times to investigate those accusations, the police, social workers, countless hospitals, calls to insurance companies accusing fraud, calls to the health department accusing us of having mold, background checks, criminal history reports run … I’m sure I’m forgetting a dozen things… it can take a toll on a person, so custodial disagreements can and do affect others besides the children. Honestly, do you think you’d really be at your best in the middle of all of that?

The weekend following the accusations towards me, I was fearful I would be arrested. Me.
I have NEVER been in trouble in my life. EVER. I have never smoked, done drugs, been in any legal trouble of any kind ever. I consulted a criminal attorney to protect myself, my family and my career. He was very helpful and fortunately, I did not need to retain him as the truth protected me.
I saw my fiance in a different light as well. He was so protective of me and scared for me. We both wandered around our house, not knowing what to expect, trying to get involved in a project, watch a movie and reconnect and just sit together holding each other in silence. Oddly enough, in all of the mother’s attempts to drive me away, she did the opposite for my relationship and my family. We relied on each other for strength and support and we are closer because of it.

That has been the ugly, evil part of my life for nearly 3 years…

And it happened almost from the beginning. When I met my stepdaughter, we spent the day together with my then boyfriend now fiance. It was a comfortable and happy 1st meeting. A few weeks later when I saw her again, the very first thing she said to me --not hi, hello or anything similar --was "You're not my mommy." So at not quite 3 1/2, that was what she learned from her mother after meeting me for the 1st time.

I’ve endured a mother screaming obscenities at me in front of the child, a grandmother (ordained minister) putting her hand on a bible swearing I sexually abused her granddaughter, a husband threatening me in front of my home, a legal system that did nothing when a mother violated countless court orders, not seeing or speaking to the child for 6 weeks despite a court order ensuring she’d be with us, Children’s Hospital and Children’s Services questioning what occurs in my home based on all those accusations.

I’m able to speak freely about it. It’s ALL been proven UNFOUNDED. I’m not a child abuser of any kind. In fact, I am a teacher. I nearly lost my family and my career because of this evil that lives in this woman seeking to destroy everyone around her, especially her own child. However, I believe that good triumphs over evil and that’s actually what has happened in our case.


I’m not proud that I have this portion of my life. It’s embarrassing, disgusting and stressful. We wholeheartedly believe the stress of our trial in court, the accusations that we endured and proved were false and the entirety of this bullshit, is what led to our miscarriage. Swallow that. One more thing to chalk up to the ugly part of my life. And then we’re supposed to live without resent? Ironically, I’ve got that covered. I don’t resent her. I don’t care about her at all. It’s sad that she has nothing in her life that her mission to destroy others is what drives her.



She writes about me, accuses me, claims I had a fake pregnancy, asks unimaginable questions of her own child, willing to put her child through hell, all in the name of what? I used to think she truly loved her child. I haven’t for a long time. Honestly, it was when she was willing to put her child through a potential physical sexual exam to “win”. I realized in that moment, she doesn’t care. Fortunately, the child didn’t have to endure that trauma at age 5, but she will always know that on her 5th birthday she spent the day with her mother and a Children’s Services worker, saying I abused her.



Oh we’ve tried to get this child into counseling. Can you guess what we’ve been met with? Opposition. Who wouldn’t want their child to have a place to discuss all this chaos where they felt safe and didn’t have to choose sides? Hmmmm….someone who has something to hide, I might guess.



It has been shameful to share what we have been through with my friends and family at times. I’m not even certain why…because all we’ve tried to do is the right thing. No false accusations, no bullshit. I guess just because it’s so unbelievable that it’s like a Jerry Springer Show or a Lifetime Movie.



I am not ashamed anymore. I have no interest in pretending my life doesn’t have this ugly element. It’s a part of it. I don’t like it. I wish it were different. Not for my lack of trying, I will say. Some people thrive on drama and pain and hurting others. I’m just not one of them.



When I miscarried, my “fake” pregnancy last summer, this mother knew because my stepdaughter shared it with her. That didn’t bother me at all. In fact, she asked me if she could tell her mother and her dad and I told her that it was part of her life too and it was ok. Shortly after, it was said to me by the mother (online, of course) “You’re a sick fuck. How’s your pregnancy going?” That pretty much sums it up. That is what I deal with. Disgusting. Evil. Vile.



Sometimes it has really gotten to me and I quit biting my tongue and started saying what I think about her. It’s always the same result as biting my tongue. You cannot reason with a person who is crazy. I learned to quit trying a long time ago.

I still have a happy life. It just has an ugly piece in it, that will be there for life. I’m not leaving and after all the accusations and attempts to run me off, one would think she’d realize it, but I’m not going anywhere.



We’ve been through every legal channel there is…Superior Court agreed with the trial court when the mother didn’t like the result of the trial and appealed it. In fact, 3 Superior Court judges basically said, there was no legal argument , but rather she spent 25 pages complaining about my relationship with my fiance.

It makes me so angry when I hear of other people going through anything like this. No one should have to endure this.

I’m divorced.

I have an ex-husband who is a part of my life because we share a child. Here’s the contrast in the exes in my life. One, I have described above. Mine is this: he and his fiancee shared Thanksgiving dinner with us. They live out of state, but we have a parenting relationship. It’s not always easy, but we all have our son’s interests first. That year was his birthday on Thanksgiving and in order to make it the best for him, we celebrated together. It’s very normal for my son. My stepdaughter said she told her mom and the response was, “Well, that’s weird.” No, what’s “weird” is the continued emotional and mental harm that is being done to my stepdaughter.

My job as a parent of these children is to protect them. One I can. One I can... half the week. Imagine that frustration. I pray a lot. God has been good. When I was accused of abusing my stepdaughter, my fiance was ready to pull the plug on our seeking shared custody of his daughter and simply keep the partial custody we had. I thought he was going to have a heart attack that day in court. Literally.
I explained to him that the accusation was now “out there” and pulling the plug wouldn’t change the accusation and now we had to let the truth be shown to protect all of us.
Remember the story “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” ? Yeah, that’s pretty much this mom. One accusation after another and now it’s at the point where we have history behind us to help protect us when the next one comes along. I will say, that major one about me was encouraged by the ethics of the attorney she hired, but for REAL sexual abuse victims, they should both be ashamed for slapping them in face by making false accusations.


I am a strong woman. I have been strong my entire life. This has not and will not destroy me. It has changed things about me, but it has not destroyed me. My relationship with my fiance is stronger…you know that saying of “this will either make or break your relationship”? For us, it literally drove us closer together. There was no one else to truly understand and comprehend what we have endured. I have had many friends say, “You’re a better woman than I am, I would have left a long time ago.” My thoughts are that it doesn’t make me a better woman, just a woman who fights for what is right and who truly found the love of her life. Yeah, he came with baggage. But, we all do. Most people's baggage isn’t so costly, is all.

This is simply a window into the side of my life that exists, but does not rule my life.

As I said, I have a happy life with the man I love and children I love. I pray for peace for my stepdaughter, as she is the one in the middle. My fiance, my son and myself don’t have to live that. The 3 of us have put the crap behind us and deal with it when we have to. Unfortunately for my stepdaughter, she doesn’t have that option --it is her life. We try to make the best of it with her and have spent 3 years ensuring she knows she is part of our family---not here for “a visit” as her mom tells her. I’m sad for her --never having peace, always feeling she has to choose, trying to please instead of simply being a kid. The most used phrase in our house with her, “You’re the kid, let us be the grownups.”

If you’ve gotten to this point, thank you for reading.

I wrote this for me. Rest assured, I know the mom will read it and try to use it against us in some form, but I haven’t written untruths and my life is not dictated by her no matter how much she tries to control everything.

I have no qualms stating that I have been furious, scared, heartbroken, outraged, disgusted, hopeless and a myriad of other emotions over the last 3 years. I’m not too prideful to say that she has hurt me because I would be inhuman if this hasn’t affected me. I don’t pretend my fiance and I haven’t argued about all this bullshit or that it has made me question things about our lives. I am, however, absolutely secure in our relationship and our life together and we have been given undeniable proof that Satan exists and also that God exists. Prayer and faith is what has saved us from all of it.

I am an eternally optimistic person and I know God will continue to prevail.