Co-Sleeping: An Opinion

I'm a pretty opinionated person, in that, when I feel passionate about a topic my feelings are strong. Very strong.

That being said, I think most people are motivated differently and make their choices based on those motives.

Parenting and education are two of my strongest passions. 

Although my opinions are strong, as a whole, my attitude is generally what works for you is your business and how you parent is just fine.

As a mother of a 12 year old and now again a baby {20 months currently} obviously I can say that I have had babies in two different decades.  I've watched the pendulum swing back and forth. I've seen the trends change with regard to vaccines, nursing, sleeping, carseat care, and feeding among others. 

When Andrew was a baby in 1999-2000, side sleeping was what was promoted.  Over the years, "back-to-sleep" was recommended.

I get that co-sleeping is a thing.  I'm, however, not an advocate.  Primarily, because I don't believe it's safe.

BUT, because of those opinions, co-sleeping doesn't happen in my house. 

I like to sleep. I need to sleep.  If I have to worry about smushing a baby, I'm not sleeping. I talk tweet with plenty of women who do co-sleep with their babies. I have friends whose babies slept with them and then they were toddlers and before long they were children.  I'm not talking about bad dream, sick or a special occasion sleeping.  I mean sharing a bed as the primary place to sleep.

When Andrew was 2 1/2, it was just he and I living together. His dad and I had separated then subsquently divorced. There were nights when he'd wake up crying because of teeth or other typical toddler stuff and I'd go in his room to comfort him and then put him back to sleep in his own bed.  I didn't want to start a habit that I knew would be difficult to break.   Believe me, there were plenty of times when I wanted to have him next to me for my own selfish reasons, but I opted to continue doing what was best for him.

We definitely had special times where we'd have a slumber party and snuggle in my bed, but it was just that...special.  He was able to sleep on his own independently and we also had our time when he'd wake up super early {he was a 6am riser} and come climb in bed with me and we'd he'd watch Blues Clues while I continued sleeping. 

I also considered that if I met someone in the future I didn't want a child to feel he was being "replaced" by someone else in sharing a bed with me. 

I have friends who have buried their babies. Even the slightest risk brought on by co-sleeping was simply not worth it for me. 

Do I feel I have any less of a bond with either one of my children because we didn't cosleep? Absolutely not. I held them, loved on them, snuggled with them, hugged and kissed them and yes, I nursed both of them.

After the baby safety issue {once they've grown a little}, I just don't understand why an 8 year old needs to sleep with a parent as their primary bed. 

Under typical circumstances, I don't think much about it other than "hmmm that's weird, but doesn't affect my life, not my issue."  

My stepdaughter, however, sleeps with BM when she's there.  This is nothing new. Has been going on for as long as I've been around since she was 3 {and obviously before then}.  Well, now there's also an infant in the bed. That brings me back to my safety issue...God forbid, my stepdaughter roll over on that baby.

Beyond that huge safety issue, I think it's weird. 

I don't think it's normal for an 8 year old to be sleeping with her mom. She doesn't want her friends to find out because she's embarrassed. She says she tells BM she wants to sleep in her own bed. I don't know if that's truthful or not. I think for certain there's a codependence on BM's part, but that's not my cross to bear.  Apparently, the husband sleeps somewhere else.

I'm content thinking it's just weird until it causes issue in my house. Clearly my stepdaughter is not comfortable with it because she doesn't sleep well-waking up throughout the night, she sleeps at the foot of the bed sometimes and is embarrassed.  After weaning her {in our house} from sleep issues in the past, this one isn't one we can do anything about at all.  She's talked to her counselor about it and we've talked about it with her pediatrician.  Unfortunately, when a child has to share two homes and the parents are polar opposites, the kid has a lot of crap to contend with.  Sleeping just shouldn't be one of them.

My husband and I don't share our bed with anyone but each other. I'm grateful we agree because the thought of a 12 year old, 8 year old and 1 year old in bed with us...well, it's our bed and we like it that way. We just keep our bedroom as ours--no pictures of our children or anything. Just us. Our lives are filled with so much busy and chaos and children and schedules and exes. Our bedroom needs to be our place away from all of it. So, it is.

What are your feelings about co-sleeping?   The topic is interesting to me regardless of what side you sleep on. ;)

*edited to add:
I'm referring to bedsharing primarily. Lily spent the first 8 weeks in our room in her bassinet.