He'll Always Be My Baby

I shared our recent life update and hoped to get back on track with catching up on the blog...

Well, y'all know how that goes.
Life happens.

Our weekend went from pretty uneventful to a marked-in-time event.

Saturday was a very laid back day. We were all worn out from the back to school week and basically just hung out at home all day.  Later that evening, Andrew, Lily and I headed to McD's for an ice cream cone. I think Andrew was secretly bummed he missed out on Friday night when Lily and I went and he was at the football game since it was his suggestion. :)

After we came home, Lily wanted to play outside on her atv and Andrew wanted to ride his bike. Too bad his tire was flat. He then decided to ride his scooter. Off he went around the circle we live on.  Not too long later he called me to come get him, said he fell and couldn't get up. He told me where he was in relation to the house and I loaded Lily in the car to get him.

We came up to him and he couldn't lift his right arm up without using the other arm to hold it up.  He was pretty upset and I was beginning to really worry.  We got home and got some ice on it right away to see what happened with the swelling to determine whether we headed to urgent care that night (it was 8:15pm) or wait until the morning. 

For lack of a better description, his wrist was pretty floppy. His hand just kind of hung here and was pretty painful, so we thought he had broken it.  Off we went to urgent care where they xrayed it and confirmed it was broken.  The doctor came back into the room before Andrew had returned from xray and said, "He's got a pretty significant break in his wrist. He broke both bones."  I immediately started crying then.  {Crying now again, as I type this}I feel so terrible for him and I'm sad he was in so much pain all the while apologizing to me how sorry he was that he did this. :(  He's such a considerate person and I just hate this for him.

He had to hold it up otherwise his hand just hung.

Kinda hard to tell in pictures how swollen it was and out of whack, but he's holding his arm straight.

Urgent care sent us to Children's Hospital to see an orthopedic doctor to have his wrist/arm looked at to determine how to best care for it.  We arrived at the emergency room around 9:45pm Saturday night and didn't get home until 9:30am, Sunday morning!

waiting in ER with his arm splinted from urgent care (which helped some)

This was our first visit to Children's Hospital and apparently everyone else in Pittsburgh decided to join.  There were 6 kids with fractures there, one nurse to do the sedation before casting --each sedation takes a minimum of 30 minutes to an hour, and one orthopedic doctor available for all of that.  We were 3rd in line.   Add to it, the billion other kids who needed to be screened, seen, called back, and different xrays done. It made for a very long, long night.  They actually had to re-do his xrays that we had brought from urgent care because something was wrong with their computer system and they couldn't get the xrays uploaded. Seriously, our luck. 

George was working when all this began.  After we left urgent care, I let him know were on our way to Children's and he left work to help with Lily and check on Andrew and me. Thank God considering how long we ended up being there and it was way past her bedtime to start with.

Andrew is seriously a trooper. He was given some ibuprofen at urgent care, I had given him some Tylenol before we left the house and he was still debating on whether he needed pain medicine when the nurse asked him some time in the ER.  Finally, he decided he needed something since we had no idea how long we'd be there.  They gave him morphine and he immediately looked at me and said, "I feel weird."

The staff was great! We actually saw 3 different doctors not including the orthopedic and 3 different nurses during the time we were there due to shifts changing. 

When the ortho came into talk with us after seeing the xrays, he said that Andrew's fracture was a very common type, as he was trying to brace his fall.  50% of the time, they're able to sedate, reset and cast in the room and the other 50% of the time, they'd have to go to the OR for deeper sedation to complete it.  I asked if he felt optimistic about Andrew's being able to be completed in the room and he said yes, he did.  So, there's that.

Around 4:30am, the orthopedic came in and said it would be about 15-30 minutes and then it would be Andrew's turn to get sedated and his arm reset and cast.  It actually was around 6am when it started.  They let me stay until he was out and then I left while they reset and cast his arm.{I wasn't allowed to stay in the room}  It took about 50 minutes which was longer than they had hoped, but apparently they'd had a trouble getting it stay when they'd set it.  The bones kept popping out of place and finally the last time, it stayed.  Thank God!!! 

When I came back in, Andrew was still out, but starting to come to. His eyes were really wide when he looked at me and said in his mimicking Lily voice, "Helloooooo Mummy."  It made me laugh.  Immediately his eyes closed again and he nodded off and on until he finally said, "Am I going to turn into Captain America?"  I couldn't help but crack up and told him no, he wasn't today.  This kid has loved superheroes since he was 2 years old!

This is what he looked like when I came back after casting.

Ultimately, it was an exhausting night primarily just because of the duration of time and the fact that he was starving and so thirsty and couldn't have anything. We both just wanted to go home and sleep.  For the record, the chairs in the rooms are not advantageous for a woman who is 33 weeks pregnant.  I'm glad he had gotten some sleep throughout the night. The rest of the time we watched the end of an Indiana Jones movie, one of the Pirates of the Caribbeans, and the news.

He had picked red for his cast because it's a school color and you know, in marching band where he plays the saxophone...that he now cannot hold. :(  

Finally we were discharged around 9 something a.m. When we got home, Andrew went to bed and slept until 5:15pm.  He only woke long enough for me to give him ibuprofen in the middle of the afternoon.

Today starts a whole new adventure with him having to figure out school with his non-dominant hand.  I hoping he had a good day!

In the scheme of things, a broken wrist and gimpy fin for 6 to 8 weeks isn't that big of deal. He's healthy and functional and I'm trying to keep that in perspective. My heart just hurts for him trying to do everyday things and missing out on activities he loves, and being in a cast when his baby sister is born.  He's resourceful and thankfully asks for help when he needs it, but tries to do things first.

I'd rather it be me. 

I love this kid so much and I'm so, so glad he's mine!!

I Will Love You If...

It's not always easy when people leave your life.  Especially when it's by choice. That has always been difficult for me because I'm a communicator. I like to work through the tough stuff to keep relationships healthy.  However, both parties have to be willing to participate in order for it to have any resolution. 

Back when I wrote about Thanksgiving Day, I touched on how our day simply didn't go as planned. That was all I wanted to share at that time.

What ultimately took place was the ending of relationships.

In a very bizarre sequence of events throughout Thanksgiving day, it culminated with me being told my husband was no longer welcome in the home of some family friends.  After I attempted to reach out the next morning, asking for some clarification and offering my feelings of hurt and confusion, my words were met with silence. Nearly 5 months later, there has not been a response.

Andrew's 13th birthday was a mere 5 days after Thanksgiving.  It went unacknowledged by the people who said they loved him and treated him as family. I was extremely hurt by this.  It could have been very easy to send him a text to simply wish him a Happy Birthday regardless of what was going on with adults.  After all, it was simply my husband who wasn't welcome anymore, not my son, right?  

Andrew was unaware of the Thanksgiving Day details and only asked what had happened after his birthday. I made the choice to put aside my own feelings of confusion, hurt, and sadness to celebrate my son's life in the days between Thanksgiving and his birthday.

As an adult, I understand the difficulty in relationships.  As a boy whose dad left when he was little, half of his grandparents are deceased while the other half live in different states, and not being accepted as a grandchild by my outlaws because he's "not theirs, it's not as easily understood.

Making the choice to ignore a 13 year old boy's--MY 13 year old boy's-- birthday because you're mad at his parents is simply not ok with me. 

I posted this status on facebook the morning after his birthday: "Thank you for the birthday wishes for Andrew! Phone calls, text messages and emails too! Explaining why there were some who did not, well just sucked and as hard I tried, hurt and disappointment was still present."

My son was hurt and it was at that point he asked what happened on Thanksgiving Day.  I {age appropriately} explained and told him I was sorry he had gotten hurt in the process.

The status prompted me being deleted and blocked by the members of our family friends.   That was it. No replying to my message from the day after Thanksgiving, just deleting and blocking on facebook.  Nearly 20 years with family connection and apparently, that was it.  I was hurt.

Life goes on.

I worked through my feelings about it all in the subsequent months and after reflecting about the relationships, it was clear to me that the best choice for all of my family was to move forward and leave it behind. 

I have previously been on the receiving end of not being welcome and having my family attempted to be divided.  My husband appropriately refused the ultimatum given to him at the time and said about my son and myself, "Either we're all welcome or none of us are."   It was without question that if someone tells me my husband is not welcome, the rest of us are no longer involved either.  Families aren't picked apart.

Thus came my children learning about conditional love.

Ultimately, the crux of the entire situation was that my children were hurt in the process and that cannot be undone.  Investing in children and having them also invest in relationships, even at a young age like Lily, then dumping them is a lesson I wasn't happy about them receiving.  It is my job to protect them.

For months, we'd head in the car in one direction and Lily would ask if we were going to see them.  What do you offer a 2 year old other than "No, not today"?  I was grateful when she finally stopped asking. 

Shortly after New Year's, I received a text from one of their family wishing a happy new year, wishing the kids well and I was being thought about, but no reply was needed.   I simply thought it was nice.

About a month later, my mom and I talked about the situation and I was able to completely come to understand that what I wasn't willing to reopen was the fact that my children, especially my son, were hurt in the process and my son learned more about being loved conditionally.   I truly cannot express adequately how much Andrew learning that hurts me.  It wasn't an "outside" hurt. It was a lesson learned by people who told him they loved him and then dropped him like he didn't matter at all. I could never trust that wouldn't happen again. The door was closed for me. 

On my birthday I received another text from the same member of their family wishing me a happy birthday.  Again I simply received the text as was intended and pleasant.

Last week, I bumped into the same member of their family at a consignment sale.  We exchanged hellos and I was asked how the kids were. I said they were great.  Simply.  Pleasant.

As the person was getting ready to move on, "I meant what I said in your texts,"  was said. I acknowledged by saying I knew, however what happened with and to Andrew just couldn't be undone.  When I was asked what I was talking about and what happened with Andrew, I simply said, "He was taught about conditional love and more people leaving his life."  I was stopped and told, "We're not discussing this."

That was all the confirmation I needed that the conditions extended to all of us.  If it wasn't being discussed on your terms, then I didn't get a say.

And it was known what happened with Andrew because immediately after I posted the facebook status about his birthday being ignored, I was blocked and deleted.

Someone can attempt to hurt me all they want, but if my children are hurt, you simply can't uncross that line.

My husband was, of course, protective about how I was affected emotionally/stress wise as I don't need the stress while pregnant, but I assured him that I didn't feel any of that.  I shared I truly had moved on and had no desire to discuss all the details, examples or feelings throughout the duration of our relationships to explain my point of view.  I have two children and a baby on the way that are more important.  I'm not angry, I'm no longer sad, I'm just in a place of acceptance.  It is what it is.

I have left out so many details just as I said above to express my point of view, plead my case or whatever. I haven't written about this before now because it wasn't something I was sure I wanted "out there."   But decided, it is a part of my story and for someone who has always had difficulty letting go, this was a significant time in my life where I knew letting go was the best thing for me as well as for my family. There is zero longing on my part for it to be different or to go back.

I wish them well.

Andrew Turns 13!

For Andrew, his birthday falling on a school day was a big bummer.

He woke up to balloons all over his bedroom floor and I'm not sure whether he or Lily was more excited about it! :)

 

"Mom, can I pleeeeeeeeease stay home? It's not fair that I have to go to school on my birthday!"

It was the first day back after Thanksgiving break and he hadn't missed any days of school all year, so he knew the answer before he asked the question.

Resigned that I wasn't going to give in and let him stay home, off to school he went. 

While he was at school, I worked on his cake.  His Xbox controller cake.  It seemed fairly easy, so why just have a plain pan cake? 

Andrew's favorite kind of cake is chocolate with white icing. Perfect.  I followed my favorite cake recipe for the yummiest from scratch-ish chocolate cake, homemade buttercream frosting and knew he'd be thrilled!

In order for this cake to be authentic, it had to be thick. Double layers and we were set. I printed out a paper Xbox controller to use as a guide to cut the 13x9 cakes into the right shape.  Truthfully, George cut it out because he's more skilled at stuff like that than I am and I didn't want to mess it up.

After the cut out, all I had to do was frost it and create the knobs and buttons. I opted to use the buttercream frosting for the whole cake because it tastes better than fondant and just used marshmallow fondant for the knobs.

I was happy with it and I knew Andrew would love it and that was all that mattered to me.

When he got home from school, he went into the kitchen like usual.

"Mom! This is awesome!"  
My work was done.

We had given him the choice of where he wanted to go out for supper or his choice of what supper he wanted at home and he chose to go to The Golden Corral. 

Andrew and Lily were most excited about the desserts.  Man, they're cute.

After supper, it was time to head home for presents and cake! We gave him a subscription to GameFly which is like NetFlix for video games and money {first time he's ever gotten money from me or us} and I made him a special card just from me reflecting on all of his birthdays.  He loved his cards and gifts from family and friends! We have very thoughtful people in our lives! Thank you for always thinking of us!

 

 

 

 

 

We had a happy, simple family celebration for his birthday this year and it was relaxing and perfect. He was happy and that's ultimately the only thing that matters.

 



 

I can't believe my first baby is now officially a teenager!

The Airport

It is going to take me some time to write about Andrew's Christmas break adventures, so I figure I'll start with our part...the drop off and pick up and then once I finally sort through the pictures from his dad, I'll get that documented too. It was a great trip and I don't want it to be missed here either!

Andrew's flight was super early morning the day after Christmas. My alarm was set for 4:00am and he and I would be off to make it there by 5:30am. Note to self: remember the day after Christmas is crazy and to allow more time.  When we parked and walked in, the security line was out the doors nearly to where we walked in from the parking garage.  We still had to check his bag and that line was nuts! We decided to brave the cold and stand outside to check his bag and to get a gate pass for me to go to the gate with him. Ummm, mistake number 2.  You can't get a gate pass outside.  Second note to self: get gate pass inside only. Luckily, a Southwest airlines lady was able to get me one quickly and I only felt a teeny bit badly about asking her without waiting in the line. 

Since we knew the security line was out the doors of the airport, we headed up to the lesser used Alternate Security.  That line was pretty long too, but a security guard was passing us as we got in line and said from where we were it was only about 20 minutes. Whew. We'd make it!

Andrew was less than thrilled with all the waiting.

Finally, we were through security and off to the tram and for the everytime-we-visit-the-airport-Franco Harris-picture.

 

 

Since we were in the forever lines, there was no waiting for us at the gate. They were already boarding when we arrived at the gate.

A reminder to text when he landed in Baltimore and call when he got off to change planes, a quick hug and kiss and an "I love you" sign and he was off for his annual Christmas trip to Tennessee.

He arrived safely in Nashville after a little delay in Baltimore to de-ice his plane.  I don't love that he has to change planes, but I'm grateful for cellphones and a mature kid whom I can trust to think and act appropriately. {There are no longer any direct flights from Pittsburgh to Nashville. at. all.}

Lily could not wait until it was time to go to the airport to pick up Andrew. She thinks he is the greatest person ever and a week without him was a long time for her!

I decided to not go down to the gate and deal with security lines this time, so I sent Andrew a text telling him to meet us at baggage, but to call when he got off the plane. The airport was equally as busy on New Years Day as it was the day after Christmas.

She was so excited to see him!!

Yay! Bubby is home!