Violet's Birth Story: part 2

Part One

I was in our bedroom getting the hospital bags out of the closet and gathering up my last minute toiletries to throw in there while my contractions continued to strengthen.  I knew I was not going to make it in time to have an epidural at this point.  I leaned over the edge of the bed, the bathroom counter, sat on the toilet, trying to get through the pain. As I leaned over the bed, trying to get those last minute items together was the moment I knew I wasn't going to make it to have an epidural.  I momentarily debated having George call an ambulance. For real.

When I stood upright again hoping to move quickly in between contractions, I shouted to George, " I think my water broke!"  Back to the toilet, I went.  I discovered I was bleeding and wasn't sure if my water had broken or I was just feeling the blood.  He yelled that we needed to hurry up and get going because we weren't having this baby at home.  I honestly do not know how long it took me to get from the bedroom to the car, but I know that every moment I tried to do something...walk, get out the front door, get in the car, I'd have another excruciating contraction and have to stop.

I am not one who is very vocal about pain.  I know I'm a wuss and tend to keep it in, deal with it and keep moving. Kind of like the day I broke my ankle at 31 weeks pregnant.  It hurt. Badly.

And I knew it was broken, but I didn't want Lily to be disappointed to not go to the park with our friends. So we went and my ankle hurt. I pushed through it.  There was no chance of that here.  I was crying, moaning, shouting, and swearing. I held nothing back.   I yelled at my husband to shut up after he told me I needed to get it together to get out to the car, but couldn't finish what I wanted to say because he had no idea that I wasn't just freezing up. The pain was debilitating and I had to wait to move until the contraction had subsided. Although I didn't have any more time except to say, "shut up!" 

In the car at 10:48am and we're off to the hospital!  Par for the course, we needed gas.  George was in list mode:  Get enough gas to get us there.  Make a plan for Lily to get picked up at noon at school. Not have a baby in the car. 

I found a position that was the most bearable and needed to lie back in the seat on my side facing the driver's seat.  Now mind you this did nothing to stop the pain or my crying, moaning, shouting and swearing.  Just was something I was able do.  When I tried lying back in the seat at first, the seatbelt was cutting into my neck.  So Ms. Always Wear Your Seatbelt No Matter What, shouted, "How do I get this fucking seatbelt off??"  Not a shining moment.

We called my good friend whose daughter goes to school with Lily and asked if she could take Lily with her after school.  George was on the phone with her, I was shouting they knew at school I was in labor and it would be ok for her to take Lily too!  That peace of mind knowing Lily was in good hands was the last piece of the puzzle I needed in place so I could to focus on nothing but this baby--  both keeping her inside until we got to the hospital and praying for a healthy delivery.

For the most part, I had my eyes closed on the way to the hospital.  When G was on the phone about Lily, I had opened my eyes to know where we were {approximately 7 minutes from home generally} and then again when we crossed the Vets Bridge through the city and once more when we had to slow down drastically for a car that cut us off merging into the one lane to take us to the hospital. 

The rest of the ride, which I learned we took at 105 mph, I was going through my cycle of crying, moaning, shouting and swearing.  Repeated theme:  "We're not going to make it!"  George was honestly the only thing that kept me from going over the edge.  Everytime I cried that we weren't going to make it, he'd reassure me that we would, we were almost there, I was doing great, and to keep breathing. 

The thing about Pittsburgh is that there is no rhyme or reason to traffic in this city.  I'm so thankful my husband used to be a police officer and was trained to drive at high rates of speed in this city. Truly.  However, nothing can be done when you turn onto the street to get into the hospital and it's backed up with 20+ cars waiting to turn into the parking lot.  I had opened my eyes again here.

So, what does any former police officer do?  Drives down the opposite side of the road.

It was clear until right before we needed to turn in when opposing traffic was there.  George honked the horn, rolled down his window, shouted that I was in labor going to have the baby in the car, "BACK UUUUUUUUPP!"   A security guard on my side of the car/street shouted he was going in to get a wheelchair and managed to get cars moved enough to get us up to the front door of the hospital.

For as much trouble as I had getting IN the car at home, it was just as difficult getting OUT of the car at the hospital. For the last part of the ride, I had been squeezing my legs closed tighter than I had ever before trying to keep this baby in and not deliver her in the car.

 Finally, I was able to get out of the car, but had to wait again before I could sit in the wheelchair as I contracted that closely again.  Again, more crying, moaning, shouting...I think I had stopped swearing at this point!

Once I was in the wheelchair, George ran me through the lobby while I {now embarrassingly} was screaming out in pain hoping we'd make it to deliver this baby in a bed instead of in the car, in front of the hospital, or in a wheelchair in the lobby.   I'm pretty sure I traumatized some first timers who may have been in or around the echoing lobby of the hospital. 

Labor & Delivery is on the 2nd floor, so luckily we were off the elevator quickly. George kept running, pushing me through the hospital. It was honestly like a scene from a movie where the registration clerk shouted out questions as we flew by... "What's your name?! What's your birthdate?! Who's your doctor?!"  George replied with my name and birthday and "She's been here before!" I shouted my doctor's name as the double doors opened and a nurse took over pushing my wheelchair down the hall.  It was a sea of people in blue scrubs parting the way for me. I kept thinking, "Wow this breeze feels so good," as whoever was pushing me was running to get me into a L&D room. I was so hot and sweating bullets all the while still shouting out in pain.   It felt like a scene from a movie where the camera is the essentially the character.  The doctors and nurses standing on either side of the hallway looking down at me as I blew past them in the wheelchair, people shouting about me to find my doctor and trying to gather details about my pregnancy. Very surreal.

Somebody helped me get my undies off as I was trying to get out of the wheelchair onto the bed and I felt no relief lying down at all.  I kept screaming, "I need to push NOW!"  A doctor told me they were trying to help me, but I needed to get in the bed before I could do that. I'm so grateful I was clean after having both showered that morning and then taken a bath.

The doctor I had hoped would deliver me was on call that day I already knew, so while they were calling for her, another doctor--Dr. Cheeks introduced himself.  George asked if I could get any pain medicine as they were checking me once I was on the bed and all I heard was... "She's at a 9 1/2, there's no time." 

I shouted some more while I cried.  Some things like, "It burns so badly!" {even then I used adverbs correctly} "I need to push!" "I can't do this!"  and a lot more incoherent moaning/shouting something or other.

I had my eyes closed trying to focus on something other than how painful this was and all I could hear was George when they told him to grab my leg. I also heard my doctor say, "I came running!"  

My love was so encouraging throughout the entire process {not that the process was a long time, mind you.} telling me I could do this, her head was coming, we were almost done, I was doing great, reminding me to put my chin to my chest and push, here she comes...

And finally the relief was there!

Our baby. Our girl.

Born at 11:23am.

We had just left our house at 10:48am.

When she decided she was ready, she was ready.  On her due date. 

I had referred to her as "our grand finale" many times throughout my pregnancy. 

She definitely made it ring true.

Violet ilyanna, my littlest love, born weighing 10 pounds even and 22 inches long. 

Thank God I didn't know she was 10 pounds before because I don't think I could have overcome that mental hurdle during my labor.  It was not my plan to give birth naturally. What's that saying about telling God your plans... :)


*Part 3 will have pictures and some more details from nurses, friends that I want to always remember

Steph's Snippets

Too much going on, so it's time for randomness.

~First, let's just get this out of the way: 

This weather sucks. 

It's beyond cold. And when it's near 80 in hometown, AZ and I live in this frozen hell... {Yes, I realize that's an oxymoron, but so is this stupid weather.} ...I can't help but want to be in Arizona! Anywhere, but here.  That's a country song, of course.

~Speaking of country songs... Gary Allan, one of my long-time loves, released a record this week and for the first time, in who knows how long, I drove out in single digit temps to buy it on release day! I'm still not ready to just iTunes everything, so cds are still for me.

He makes me swoon. Luckily, my real-life guitar playing husband makes me swoon too! We went to see Gary in June--which reminds me I still have to blog about that.  If you haven't heard it, listen to his latest single, "Every Storm Runs Out of Rain..."  I cannot. get. enough.

~I have zero personal space. If I'm doing something, anything, Lily is right on top of me.  It's not even that she's not independent because she totally is a "want to do it myself" kid, but holy jeez.  I go upstairs to pee, she's flying up the steps behind me.  And there's no sitting next to me, it's on me.  Rest assured if she can't be right on top of me because I'm doing something where she physically cannot, she'll do something that required immediate attention from me.  Perfect example on Tuesday, I was making meatballs.  Meaning: homemade mix up meat and eggs and gunk where my hands were busy. 

I turned around to find this...look closely...

Why yes, that is a frog pajammie wearing Lily in the refrigerator.  Washing my hands to take a picture was necessary as you can see.

And as I'm typing this, we're watching a new Bubble Guppies and she's literally leaning on my arm making it nearly useless because she can't get on my lap.  Yes, I know there will be days when I long for her snuggling and wanting to be close...I know. But, I would like to at least go to the bathroom by myself.

~Related: 3lbs of ground beef makes a lot of meatballs. In case you didn't know.

~Why is Beyonce lipsyncing the National Anthem news?  She can sing. Who cares. Why is it on the news so much?!

~What else is ridiculous? A game called Candy Crush Saga.  Seriously. I can't stop playing. I have two games going...one on my phone and one on Andrew's iPod. Because I'm insane.

~Yesterday I was at Target {yes, I know I just was there Tuesday for Gary Allan} looking for a carseat since this is one of the clearance times for baby stuff, so I went to a different Target. I combed the racks of 50-70% off clothes and thought FINALLY I can get these Santa jammies for Lily on clearance!  Carter's two-pack with Santa on both of them.  The green boy version was 50% off, but the pink and red were still FULL price! Hello??? It's the end of January and these Santa pjs are still $14.99.  I talked to an employee and a manager. No luck. They wouldn't budge. Seriously?! Who is buying these at full price now?! They've been there since Halloween!  No luck on the carseat or pajammies.

~Roughly 14 years ago, Andrew's dad and I saw an lady wearing gold shoes walk down the street. I casually said, "If I ever think wearing gold shoes is a good idea, you'll know I'm officially old and lost it. Don't let me do that."   I randomly thought of that this morning as I looked down at my new silver sequined sparkly slippers. 

Two months left until 40 and I've lost it.

Happy Thursday!

Spirit Of Friendship

In 2007, I moved across the country with my then 7 year old son to start a new life with my now husband and his daughter.

Leaving our family and friends behind was difficult, but the promise of true love and companionship was completely worth the risk.  As a result of some of the difficulties of my husband's custody fight for his daughter, we found ourselves navigating the legal system which was nearly all consuming for far too long.

As a woman who needs emotional connection, I was truly struggling in finding this. I don't have difficulty making friends, but I did not want to let anyone in to the chaos that was our life surrounding this custody battle. Who wants to delve into the lives of those who had to document nearly every action and sadly nearly every discussion centered around this topic far too long.

I definitely maintained long distance friendships and relationships that had already long been forged, but to connect in person was a big piece of my life that was lacking.

When I found myself with a new baby girl up at all hours of the night, social media became a place of comfort at 3am when I found other mothers of newborns also up nursing or pregnant women facing insomnia who'd find a place to "talk" online at 3am.  Twitter and the blogging world became that connection for me. Nearly instantly, I'd discovered other moms of older sons and new or new to be baby girls locally and the blossoming of friendships began. 

At first it was just witty or commiserating conversations via Twitter. Then we decided to meet up in person for playdates, consignment shopping and moms nights out.  Soon after, a few more moms with similar aged baby girls connected and we decided on a weekly date with our kids. 

Throughout those playdates each week, eventually deeper friendships were created. Some of us connected by the ages of our older boys and our newer baby girls or the shared the experience of the death of parent, miscarriages or even a same career choice.

I finally felt I was able to allow myself to connect.  Simply connect.

After nearly 5 years of that spirit of friendship missing from my life, it was like I had a light fired up that had been snuffed. I missed it. And truly didn't know how much until it was back in my life again.

Let's face it, in your 30s it is difficult to make new, genuine friends. People are set in their ways, lives are busy, connections are long established and it's difficult to allow yourself to be vulnerable when you have some history under your belt.

These women...my friends, embraced me and allowed me to embrace them.  Finding women who accept each other, don't take it personally when one cannot attend a function, accept help when they are going through something, and call just to check in, has made such a difference in my everyday life.

We watched babies be born, we've lost loved ones, we've laughed and cried together, simply walking beside one another....connecting in a way I had only hoped to find again in my life. 

I'm grateful and honored to call these women my friends.  What started out as a playgroup for our daughters became friendships that I will cultivate for the rest of my life and can only hope our baby daughters will be so lucky as they grow up together.

Picking Pumpkins 2012

One of my favorite things about Fall is going to pick our pumpkins at a local farm. This year, we picked a weekend where the weather was unusually warm and off we went. My objective is to get good pictures. Andrew, Reagan and George's objective is to get good pumpkins. Lily's is to run run.

Since it was super warm it definitely was busier than it's been in the past, but worth the wait. While we waited in line, the older two climbed up a big hill while Lily looked back at me annoyed that she couldn't go with them.

The line to wait only seems long when you're trying to wrangle a two year old, right?

Finally the hayride wagon was coming for our turn! A little redfaced later since it was much warmer than even I'd expected.

Andrew and Reag always like to start out with the corn maze while we wait at the end for them. Lily had other ideas this year and took off in after them which meant George had to head in after her. :)

Next up comes the posed picture time so when I'm old and gray I'll remember where we went!

Eventually we found someone to take a picture of all of us.  But, we only got this one. ;)

It was difficult to get a picture of Lily with the pumpkins this year because all she wanted was her apple from the hayrid which was fine with me because that is exactly what this year was for her--the yummy apple to eat.







Andrew always picks his out quickly, while Reagan tends to take a little longer to find her perfect pumpkin. The rule is, however, you have to carry your own.

Trying to get a picture of my kids with their pumpkins proved to be somewhat challenging, but entertaining.

 

 

Poor Andrew gets a lot from his baby sister and this time was a headbutt. :)

Pumpkins acquired and it was time to head back on the hayride.  We were hot, hungry and tired, but we managed to remain in good moods, thankfully. 
My oft grumpy tween managed to provide my favorite quote of the day as we were leaving... "I'm glad we're not the kind of family who just gets their pumpkins from the store."

 

 

Til next year...

A Day Trip

I have a very hard working husband.

I'm lucky.

He works long hours in a physically demanding job to take care of our family. Sometimes there are days when we don't see him much. I try to keep my emotions in check about that because it's a sacrifice he makes to allow our family to be blessed by my being home with Lily and for Andrew and Reagan when they are home.

Yesterday, he took a day off to get a few things done. One of those things was to drive up to camp and pick up the boat to bring home for the winter.  We decided that Lily and I would tag along and take a little day trip just to spend the day together. 

The Outlaws were back in Pittsburgh, so there was no drama to be had as in Lily's first visit to camp. We actually didn't go all summer long simply because we wanted a peaceful summer that we'd worked very hard over the last 5 years to find. Our early trip this year in April was our only visit this year which was a perfectly happy time.

Lily was set for the ride with lunch, snacks, books, her baby and blankie. She happily chatted with both her parents and kept us laughing until she took a little snooze. We didn't listen to music...we just talked. About some important stuff and some nonsense. We reminisced about making this trip for the first time more than 5 years ago. It was nice simply being together instead of passing each other while we remind of schedules and handing off one to three kids. 

Once we arrived at camp, Lily needed to run off some energy. While Daddy got the boat prepared to come home, Lily ran in the grass next to the house. She is always full of nonstop go go go!

She decided to walk along rocks and feel her newly growing hair blow in the breeze.

 

 

Sometimes she stops to take a break.

She and I had a lot of fun and it always makes me happy to hear her laugh so hard! "Run Run, Mama!"

It was a short little day trip, but an enjoyable day as our party of three and much, much needed time together. ♥

Are You There?

~Last time I was here too long ago, I was blogging about Lily's last week of one. I have a few posts to add to that last week along with nearly every single other thing we've done this summer, but I'm starting to feel a little less in a funk and more like journaling and capturing. Thank God for my camera this summer.


Here's what's on the horizon:

~I've got a few giveaways coming up!

~Guest Post over at one of my favorites.

~Life in a stepfamily and coparenting has taken a positive turn that I officially say is successful that I need to write about a new life for Reagan.

~Lily's 2 year birthday party!

~Andrew's summer adventures and all his travel.

~4th of July trip to Scout Camp for family day!

~A few tales of the outlaws.

~Lots of playdates!


And just for good measure here's a cute picture:

Thanks for bearing with me!

Ice Cream Date

Last night, George, Lily and I headed out for ice cream after supper.

We don't do it often, but I lovelovelove ice cream and after having been in a funk long enough this summer, I told my husband I really just wanted to go tonight.

You know, there's nothing two and a half scoops {and that's a small!} of deliciousness can't cure! This place is newer to us, has so many different flavors to choose from, and it's so reasonably priced. Can't beat it!  Lily loves ice cream! They have teeny baby cones {for free} and they're perfect for the Lilinator.

We got her a teeny chocolate cone. 

{i love her sweet little fingers holding onto it}

George sampled cotton candy and black raspberry. I sampled German chocolate cake and caramel salted pretzel. We both liked them all! He went with cotton candy and I went with the German chocolate cake this time.   Lily was, of course, thrilled with her chocolate.

She sat happily on the bench eating her "eye-keem."  

There was an older man~grandfather type~ sitting on the next bench over who started smiling at Lily. She smiled at him and then started closing her eyes at him like she does when she thinks someone can't see her.

She entertained he and his wife.

And us.

We'd ask her if she wanted help with her ice cream or needed a napkin and she'd sweetly say, "No, Mama. No Daddy."   So we let her have it her way. Down her arms, all over her face, dripping on her shirt, her shorts, her legs.

She also wanted to be down... so a picture with me was entertaining.

A teeny cone was all she needed.
An ice cream date with my love and my littlest love was all I needed.