HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Have you picked yourself up off the floor or finished calling ME a liar yet?!
Kids lie. Yes, even my perfect ones.
Lying is a major grievance in our house. It always has consequence and truth be told {pun intended}, with one of our children, it has been an ongoing struggle.
Blending a family has its own struggles. Just the sheer nature of two already established parents combining in one household lends itself to figuring out how to work together. There are compromises to be made in how things are handled, what discipline accompanies what action and the like. My husband and I both have always told our kids, "Tell the truth and tell how you feel." You may be in trouble for your action, but if you lie about it, you will be in way more trouble. Thankfully we've always been on the same page.
Some of the lies may be little ones like: "Yes, I ate all my supper." -- Mom finds plate full of food in the garbage can. Others may be huge like "Stephanie makes me do everything. I get home from school and have to do all the chores and Andrew never has to do anything." ---Mom asks stepmom about this and all parties learn the lie that has been told.
Lies have consequences.
Not all kids' consequences have the same effect, so we've had to figure out what works best for all of our kids. Andrew's loss of electronic and phone privileges have worked as a consequence for him for all things. While his lies these days are generally limited to things like "I already did my homework," or "No, I didn't drink that pop without asking," he knows we always find out and the consequence is always going to follow. Remaining consistent with it has prepared us for God forbid the bigger lies that may come with his later teen years--and those consequences will fit the action. We have great communication with him which we wholeheartedly believe is what will make the difference in keeping him safe as he navigates life in high school. We talk about drinking, drugs, sex, internet safety, using appropriate language in text messages/online... you name it, we talk about it. He tells me I "mom him too much," and I tell him that is my job. He's responsible, has straight As in school, is involved in marching band, has a great group of friends, mature, and we trust him. He hates for me to be angry at or disappointed in him.
(He's also a FANTASTIC big brother who helps his little sister carry in her backpack and amuses his mother to take a picture!)
Trying to figure out consequences for Reagan have proven to be much more difficult. Taking away her electronics means nothing to her. Giving extra chores? Nope. You know how kids sometimes go back and forth trying to play mom against dad? Add in another household with another mom and dad and it's been a crazy struggle with mom against dad, mom against stepmom, stepmom against dad, stepmom against mom etc etc etc. We as parents have had to figure out a way to work together to back each other up and stop the madness! We've figured out a source of her lying is the negative attention she receives from it. Reagan is a great kid who is starting to come into finding her own passion and working on getting away from trying to please everyone all the time. She has excellent grades in school, is in the gifted education program, reads at a 12th grade level in 5th grade, and is learning appropriate social skills in various settings that she has previously not had opportunity to do. We're happy with the growth we're seeing and she knows the lying will consistently have consequence. We see less of it, but it still remains our biggest struggle with her. I guess that's why parenting doesn't have an end date? ;)
Lily's lies currently consist of things such as me asking what she's doing and her reply being a quick "Not anything!" She has hit the age of "little white lies" usually related to "I didn't do it" type. We continue with our "tell the truth, tell how you feel" motto to ensure she knows what she feels matters and the truth is important. Lily also knows when she's done something wrong and fesses up immediately when asked. Timeout is her current consequence and then talking about why she was in timeout and what different choice she could make.
Violet is too little to have sullied her perfect self with lying, of course. That's the magic of babies! And unfortunately for her, by the time she's old enough, we'll have it all down pat and she'll get away with nothing! Or everything because she has her daddy completely wrapped!
Follow through and consistency are key components in how we handle lying in our house. We love when we have a story or a movie or a show to prompt a discussion about relevant topics such as lying. In the past, we have read and used The Boy Who Cried Wolf in prompting discussion with Reagan.
How do you handle lying in your house?
Netflix always has you covered even when you want to have a teachable moment about lying!
Lily, Violet, and I watched The Gruffalo recently and it prompted a great conversation between Lily and myself about the sweet little mouse telling the truth, being afraid, and having people believe what you say. VeggieTales is a regular favorite in our house and an episode about lying and doing the right thing allows us to be consistent in our teachings about truth and asking for forgiveness.
Let's face it, a good lie in a tv show as an adult keeps the plot twisting! Netflix has some great ones! Revenge? Ummm, hello? Just the title tells you all you need to know! If you haven't watched this series, you have found yourself a new binge watch! It's one of my favorite shows. The twists, the turns---so good!
As always, Netflix is our go-to tv watching in our house! Thanks to Netflix, we took the plunge to dump cable almost 2 years ago and have never looked back! We love being able to find shows and movies to watch together as a family, something for my husband and myself, and to have our own shows to watch.
Check out this month's recommendations about lying:
Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire |
For your little kids:
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For your big kids:
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And for teens and parents:
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Disclosure: As a member of the Netflix #StreamTeam I was provided subscription to Netflix and also exclusive insights or other products. All opinions are my 100% my own and I was already a proud Netflix subscriber prior to this opportunity. Please see my full disclosure.
This is one of the areas of parenting that totally overwhelms me and we don't even have kids yet. Lying is so easy, but so hard to discipline for it. I love that you shared movie ideas to help.
ReplyDeleteLove your motto! I feel like getting the kids to tell the truth can be hard with things they've done and how they feel! My oldest always answers, "I don't know!" and I honestly think he just doesn't know how to express himself, not that he's purposely lying. Also, love your netflix recommendations. Total netflix junkie and Revenge and PLL are two of my favs!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really helpful post and I love your thought about telling the truth and telling how they feel. Loooooove the Netflix references!!!
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