Tuesday, May 31, 2011


Lily's been busy hanging with her Oma & cousin visiting from Arizona.

We're on a computer hiatus for the most part, but will have lots of updates of her adventures soon!


Sunday, May 29, 2011

Thanks & BM Update

I received several emails about my Dear BioMom post the other day. 

Simply, thank you for your thoughts. 

One final element and sentiment is that BM left a public comment on that post....again confirming much of what I have written. *also her post titled "Just Another Voice in the Chorus" exemplifies the same.

As I said, I will be celebrating and enjoying my family this summer and not dealing with her.

Thank y'all again.


***It was brought to my attention that BM removed her blog link from her profile after she started receiving traffic from here. 

Saturday, May 28, 2011

May 28, 1995. 6:47pm


April 1995

It's funny the things that cross my mind each year around Memorial Day.  How things people have said or done over the last 16 years since my dad died that have affected me profoundly...
The December after my dad died, Father of the Bride, Part 2 came out.  I saw it with a bunch of friends from marching band in college.  One guy asked me a simple question, "Did you like this one or the first one better?"  I said, "I can't really answer that because it became completely different for me. The first one my dad was alive, so I envisioned all those things--getting married, him walking me down the aisle, etc. with him.  And this one, he's not....so it's not an easy comparison."  

Or just days following his death, listening to a beautiful piece of music a friend shared with me who said he felt as though the music sounded like an ascension into heaven...and held me as I sobbed uncontrollably while we listened.

Or the flowers that were delivered the first May 28th after my (then) husband and I separated from a priceless angel of a friend who probably will never truly know how deeply touched I was for more reasons than I could ever express.

Or the friend who, for years, sent a card or email that I received on or around May 28 each year.... and even in the few years where we'd lost touch, I still knew I was thought of.

Last night, as my mom is in town visiting us, my family headed to friends of BOTH my parents whom we haven't seen in many, many years.  My dad and his friend were very close when we all lived in Arizona. 

Now, 16 years later, I learn that I live-- in Pittsburgh--about 7 minutes away from one of his best friends. 

It was a surreal moment hearing one of my dad's best friends speak to my 11 year old son and my 8 year old nephew, telling them that everything he knew about baseball he had learned from their grandfather...whom neither of these children have ever met. 

I cried. 

Cried for them, as they will never know how amazing a person their grandfather was. And I cried for him to not able to be a part of his own grandchildren's lives.  And I cried for me...because I miss him. 

Those are just a few examples throughout the last 16 years of my life, that have struck a chord so deeply in me that when I recall them, I can literally picture them as if it were the times they occurred. 

My husband struggles with not being sure of what to say to me...he hates he cannot "fix" it. Last night he said to me, "It's just hard for me to know what to do since I have no idea what that feels like."

And I wouldn't want you to...

I only know what it feels like to me.  My brothers, my mother, my aunts and uncles...they all lost someone too.

It makes me smile that my son asks questions about his Opa and in just the few days my nephew has been here, hearing him talk about his Opa as well. 

So, I do thank God for allowing people in my life--past and present--to share, honor and remember.


Friday, May 27, 2011

Dear BioMom,

Awhile ago I came across The Stepfamily Letter Project and thought it was a fantastic idea for people to release some of their feelings and thoughts, as well as connect with others going through similar experiences.  After all, isn't connection and understanding what we all seek?

As I've said before I'm not much for blogging anonymously and although there are things I will never write online, sometimes I just need a place--my place--to express my own thoughts.

Dear BioMom,

I made it clear awhile ago I will not be writing about the shared child in our lives on my blog anymore.  I don't and I won't.  That's actually unfortunate as much of our experiences documented on this blog is the history of our lives and she will be absent in the documenting to reflect back on. 

However, it has not stopped you from reading my blog.  You say online that I stalk you, claim that I, in fact, say I don't read your blog when I've said multiple times I do read.  You call me names, lie about me both online and in real life, perpetuate hatred and then call yourself a Christian woman when it suits you.  I don't take it personally actually because you also write about your own mother much the same. 

Writing and speaking about your daughter's father the way you do, literally makes me sick to my stomach. What you fail to realize is, you are speaking about her as well.... as you chose to have a baby with HIM. No matter, he is a part of her.

I'm not sorry I tell your daughter to not speak to you rudely when she talks to you on the phone when in my care. I'm also not sorry I told her to get out of the street tonight while she was on the phone with you.  What I AM sorry about is, that she is not who she could be because of the hatred spewed into her.  Don't worry, she's learning from you what you set out to teach her... lying being at the top.

If it makes you feel better to think it's my fault for your inabililty to communicate with my husband, it makes no difference to me.  I've learned along the way, accountability isn't something you value, so everything you blame elsewhere is expected.  You've been blaming me for as long as I have been around, so why do you think it would matter to me now?

If it makes you feel better to call me a cow, have at it. I simply don't feel so badly about myself that I have to try to hurt others to build myself up.  Funny to note, though, when you've said you look like a cow lately, I guess by your description, that makes us the same. 
I would be willing to bet there are people in your online life who have struggled with weight who may laugh along with you, but inside possibly feel differently about your choice of words. They often read my blog too, you know.

Just because you think your life with my husband would have been worse than your current life, doesn't mean MY life with him is a bad life.  We've agreed in the past your relationship with my husband was toxic.  Mine is not.  But, again, if it makes you feel better to feel your daughter's life half the time is terrible, have at it. I'm sure that's beneficial to her.

Here's the key...I don't care what you think.

The ONE thing that you do that bothers me continually is lie. But, eventually as has always happened...the truth comes out. 

While you will continue online with "karma being a bitch", I have zero interest in your game.   Perhaps if you invested half as much time and energy into finding out what is truly going on in your daughter's head and heart as you do talking about me, we'd be in a much better place.  But, that will never happen and she will continue to pretend I'm her mom and you're her babysitter in front of people at school.  Did you ever wonder where the speech therapist got the idea that she had already spoken to her mother?  It wasn't from me.

I would like a biomom-free summer. I think nearly 4 years after you first became aware of my existence in my husband's life and have continually tried hurting me, it is well past time for a break. So, I will be celebrating and enjoying my family and deal with you again once school begins in the fall. Thanks.


Monday, May 23, 2011


5.16.11: see how big i can smile?!

5.17.11: give me a kiss with that elvis lip

5.18.11: ooh i love cheerios and yogurt

5.19.11: i love what my brother's reading

5.20.11: i also enjoy movies

5.21.11: i used to keep my arm up my head when i was in mama's belly...
i still sleep that way ♥

5.22.11: this really is my newest way to smile

Monday Minute...You're the One that I Want

Monday Minute

1 - Think back as far as you can, what's the first tape, record, etc you remember listening to?
Yes, an 8-track of Grease.  I wore it out.

2 - What's the first concert you've ever been to, the year and who performed?
1983.  My dad took me.
His opening act:

4 - If you went to your Senior Prom and had a date, do you still speak to said person?
I did go, but no, I haven't spoken to him in years.  Good guy. Wonder what became of him...

5 - Name the one television show that's no longer on the air that could have gone on forever.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

My Week in CellPhone Pics

Life with the ds

I'm linking up with Katie for a new bloghop she's started that I think looks pretty fun!
"Take the photos that you have taken on your phone in the last week, post them and write what they are and why you took them or whatever you want to write about the photos...Then link up so people can hop around and meet new people and check out your pictures!"

I didn't take many on my phone this week, but still worth playing along. :)

One sleepy morning snuggling in bed. :)

A set of notecards, I thought would be an appropriate gift for someone.

Lily mid jump! I thought this was funny!

Thursday, May 19, 2011


I find my self saying/texting/bbming the word "SERIOUSLY?!" all. the. time.

So, when Becky decided to make her weekly post a link up, I was all in!

~Seriously...if Lily's top teeth don't cut through these gums, I'm going to run for the hills.

~Seriously...how many times can one baby poop out her clothes in one day??? High score: three.
I think she just likes to get more bath time.

~Seriously...if you're annoyed that I'm using 80 billion coupons, choose a different line. Standing there huffing isn't going to make it go faster.  You don't pay my bills or feed my family.

~Seriously...I am the mom in our house.  George is the dad.  Moms have certain roles. Dads have certain roles.  That is how we live.  Get over it.

~Seriously...Scotty on American Idol needs to drop the "y" from his name. He also looks like this guy:

~Seriously...ENOUGH. WITH. THE. RAIN!

~Seriously...why is every freaking road in Pittsburgh under construction and no one is ever working?

~Seriously...wtf do you put your kid through so much stress to pull the rug out every freaking time?

~Seriously...having Cookie Monster on the back of Pampers Cruisers waving "bye" is weird.

Okie dokie.  That's my seriously for today.  Now that I know she's doing a bloghop, I'm going to be more cognizant of what things I say "Seriously?!" about this coming week.  I'm sure they'll be plenty.

Check out Becky at From Mrs to Mama. Her blog is funny and real and she loves coupons!! :)

Happy Thursday!

I'm off to the doctor with a sick kid....seriously.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Sippy Cup

One of the things, George and I have consciously chosen to do with Lily was not push her to grow up too quickly.  We didn't rush solid foods, didn't stress about her not rolling over right away (back to tummy), we let her crawl in her time...you get the idea. 

With Andrew, it was totally the opposite...my first baby, I was very concerned with getting him to hit milestones --kind of as a mark of  how good of a parent I was. *eyeroll*  You know, stressing about what other babies were doing if he wasn't doing it.  Well, with him, he WAS doing it--early. What I thought years later was, "I wish he was little bitty longer."  Ohhhh those hindsight glasses again.

So with Lily, we truly made the choice to work with her of course, but truly let her develop on her own schedule. Same holds true with not pushing the sippy cup.  BUT...I will say, I'm pretty adamant that she moves off the bottle at age one.  So, we introduce her to the sippy cup and let her play with it.  She's managed to drink water out of it sometimes, but she really just likes to throw it on the floor. :)

notice the grilled cheese on my forehead too
We'll get there. :)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Random List

~I've been working on Lily's first birthday planning and last Friday I scored a BIG deal for her pictures and smashcake pictures too!!  You'll just have to wait and see... ;)  But, it was SUCH a bargain!! $10.00 for EXACTLY what I was looking for.  Bargain and just what I wanted = happy mama!

~Andrew was gone all last weekend on a Scout camping trip--his first official as a Boy Scout. The first time ever away without at least one family member other than a sleepover at a friend's house.  He had a blast! I may or may not have cried a little on the way home from dropping him off.

~George and I have been decluttering. It's amazing the mass of paperwork collected. It's been awesome to dump it.

~My mom is coming to visit soon! Yay!! Can't wait to see her. She's bringing a surprise. :)
Last time she was here Lily looked like this:

~As frustrating as some of the bureaucracy of this city makes me and how antiquated some people and things are makes me crazy, I lovelovelove the touristy stuff in Pittsburgh. The history, the landmarks, just the feel of the city.  I always love when someone visits so we can engage in more of the touristy stuff. :)

~This is my most reflective time of year, as the anniversary of my dad's death approaches.

~My baby is growing wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too quickly! Even Daddy said to her he wished she was a squishy little baby still. We've still got one more in us. ;)

~It is 52 degrees right now. We had to turn the furnace on last night.  It is May 17.  It's either cold or hot. No in between. Summer is going to be brutal.  I'm over the rain too. Nonstop.

~The teething continues...chewing, drooling, runny nose.  Sleep has seemed to calm down, although I know I just jinxed it by writing that.

~I will never understand people who cause upheaval just for the sake of doing it...especially to children.

~Laundry needs to do itself.

~I love that I'm always right. ;)  People are predictable.

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, May 16, 2011


5.9.11: uh, yeah, so this grass feels weird

5.10.11: just let me play mama

5.11.11: i like swinging now

5.12.11: mama's catching my squinty eye smile

5.13.11: i just love to investigate what i play with

5.14.11: coupons coupons coupons

5.15.11: helping mama work on this post

Sunday, May 15, 2011


5.2.11: hanging out at the doctor
 for my 9 month check up

5.3.11: part of one of my new faces.
i squint my eyes before i smile really big

mama is heartbroken...
there is no picture this day

5.5.11: i'd rather stand up than anything

5.6.11: lawnmower face

5.7.11:  jammin' with daddy

5.8.11: happy mama's day


4.25.11: showing off a new coy face i've started making

4.26.11: another new face i started making

4.27.11:  since i started crawling,
 mama needs to keep me contained sometimes

4.28.11: uh oh! mama caught me
1st time pulling up in crib

4.29.11:  loving my jumper

4.30.11:  first time in my stroller without my carseat

5.1.11: it's raining outside while my brother plays hockey
 and i'm stuck in this car, holding sunglasses wishing for sunshine


4.18.11: pens in the playoffs &
 i'm still dragging myself instead of crawling.

4.19.11: vacuum cleaner face

4.20.11: i love my big brother

4.21.11: even though i'm still just army crawling,
 i try to get places i'm not supposed to.

4.22.11: rocking in my daddy's rocker
 from when he was little

4.23.11: yeah i talk on the phone like a teenager

4.24.11: happy easter