Wednesday, December 9, 2009

All Clear...A Reflection on July 2009

July 9, 2009~

We went early this morning for the ultrasound to check to make sure everything was clear after the miscarriage. Given the circumstances of having had a miscarriage, I was really relieved to find out that everything was normal and healthy.

The ultrasound technician was really kind -- a different one than last time -- and she asked me if I wanted the monitor to watch before assuming I did. I didn't, in the event that everything wasn't clear. But she had a gentle voice and said that she herself had had 3 miscarriages --one at 26 weeks, one at 13 weeks and one at 6 weeks. She said it didn't make it any easier with patients. She was very kind.

She offered me kleenex while G held my hand and I cried.

I said a prayer and I'm grateful we know we're clear and healthy to try for a baby when the time is right.

I am so in love with G and the man he has been throughout this... It has made me love him more.

We have had challenges in our relationship that I didn't know if we'd make it through, but I know with everything in me that we are meant to be and he is there. I'm so fortunate to have found that. Thank God...and I do.

We're going out of town for a few days and are looking forward to spending time together and with the kids. It was hard to tell them and they too are disappointed, but G gave a wonderful analogy when talking with them about planting flowers ... sometimes the seeds grow into beautiful flowers and sometimes, without knowing why, the seeds don't bloom.

It was perfect for R.

My son, A, is more direct and literal and he just said, "Mom, I'm sorry your baby died. I hope you don't wait 10 MORE years to have another one." :)

I love them both.

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