Connecting and Stepping Back

My favorite thing about the internet... connection.

It's helped me keep friends and family across the country updated on my pregnancy, my kids growing, happenings in our lives regarding a neverending  lengthy court process, pictures, day to day life. Well, you get the idea.  The downside of that for me is that it's often easier for people to "catch up" that way and never make any real time connection. I'm guilty of this too. I'm just cognizant of it and when you get random texts or calls, that's why. I miss you.

In other ways, the internet has connected me with different groups of women who have similar life experiences whom I have never and may never meet in real life. I'd been active on some pregnancy message boards and baby boards and many moons ago I was a member of a stepparenting site during my 1st marriage because I was a stepmom then too.  Those children were 4 and just turned 2 when I met them. Now, the oldest just turned 18 last week. I keep up with them through Andrew's dad to find out how they are even though it's been many, many years since I've seen or spoken with them.

When George and I met and I learned about Reagan I momentarily thought, "Can I do this stepmom thing again?"

It was difficult working through things with the first BM in my life for a little while, but we worked through everything and eventually became friends. Her new husband was a good stepfather and a positive influence.

When George and I met, he warned me about the BM.
I said, "I have had to deal with this before, no biggie." HA!

I, without a doubt, can say if THIS experience had been my 1st, I would never have gotten involved with a man with a child again.

Some days I don't want to be a stepmom. 
It's hard.  It's exhausting. And the constant evil makes it less and less desireable.

Nothing is ever enough or right. There is always conflict. Every single thing is fraught with drama. There is never any relief.

Most of the time it's brought about from BM and that's become pretty easy to leave out of our home, laugh at and be done with it. We expect what we get from her.

When I witness similar behaviors in a child, it's much more alarming. Lying, hurtful and hatefulness has seemingly become second nature. 

I'm not her mom. And quite honestly, I have never tried nor wanted to be her mom....just love her, treat her fairly and respectfully and as a family member in my home. 

What I do wish is that her mom was better TO her about her dad and our family.  I've always wished for that.  I have given up hope of that ever happening.

Every detail of our lives is made negative by my stepdaughter and BM together. Whether it's about school pictures or chores or every other single thing we do and are, there is nothing positive said to Reagan by BM about our family.  Just constant criticism. And Reagan joins in and stirs the pot.  She knows it pleases her mom and she gets attention from it.
I'm getting tired of dealing with the garbage all the time.

I have never seen a child derive as much satisfaction from drama.  I find it scary.

I'm at a point of exhaustion.

So, I am in total "stepback" mode.

Looking back on my first experience as a stepmom, I can see the natural progression of feelings and actions of my stepchildren's mother. From rough and rocky moving forward to peaceful coexisiting.

This experience dealing with the BM has been a nightmare since the beginning.
From the moment she knew of my existence, she began withholding my husband's daughter to keep her from having anything to do with his "flavor of the month" (me).  For four and a half years, (some flavor) it has been constantly that same negativity, control, and damaging words and behavior.

And although I am so, so grateful that I have been able to find connection with other stepmothers online, I'm terribly saddened that other women, children and families have to endure similar issues.