Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Sharing Halloween

*There is some venting in this post.*

I love all things Fall!

Pumpkin picking, carving pumpkins, roasting seeds, the leaves, the festivals, the weather, the smells...ALL of it!

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays too! I'm not into scary stuff, but cute Halloween stuff. :)

I love making treats for Andrew's class, baking at home with the kids and now putting Lily in adorable Halloween clothes.


Seriously that little punkin melts my heart!

The last few years we've established some traditions with our family that we all look forward to each year and we've been fortunate to have Reagan with us for trick-or-treating. This is year she will be at her mom's on Halloween.

It's Lily's first Halloween this year, so we're bummed it won't be all of us.

We've still been doing all of our other activities like we do each year. We live our lives, knowing that sharing holidays is simply part of sharing custody of my stepdaughter. 

Andrew's dad and I have had our holidays worked out flexibly for years and it works for us.
It's a little different because his dad lives out of state, but having a working relationship as parents is a huge benefit to Andrew.

We're lucky that our kids still go to schools where they celebrate Halloween with pumpkin carving contests, parties and parades. I love that!

Of course there HAS to be one little hiccup in the events... 

Like I said, we don't have Reagan with us on Halloween this year, as she's with her mom during that part of the week.
Reagan's parade is Friday of this week.
So, we asked Reagan's mom to send her costume in to school for Reag to wear in the Halloween parade.

She said no.


It's your daughter's school Halloween parade where the kids wear their Halloween costumes.

It's YOUR daughter's parade.

See, we didn't think it WAS a big deal since it's her daughter, her costume and her parade. Yep, nothing to do with my husband and myself as people.

We should have known the answer would be no. I, however, was surprised.

It doesn't hurt me, but we definitely had a hurt little girl last weekend.

Instead, it perpetuates a kid who thinks she gets two of everything and has to be two different people --one at our house and one with her mom.  Double everything. Things are not allowed to come to our house because "we're dirty" and "we're poor".   Reference: The Anger List

Before I get into the rest of the bullshit about my stepdaughter playing outside in tennis shoes and her play shoes being "stained" or her jeans having grass stains on them because we let her play outside--THE HORROR!--I need to get back to the costume because the rest of it is so absolutely ignorant and ridiculous, I cannot believe she even wrote it.

So, instead, we get to go get Reagan a different costume for a 15 minute parade.  And the damage done to her, once again, will most definitely last longer than 15 minutes.

I've found this is really difficult for me to write without venting all my anger about the entire situation, as I personally have never encountered a human being who is more destructive to their own child as a means of "hurting" other adults.

Basically the message we received: "She's only my daughter the 3 1/2 days she's with me." 

Yep. Two backpacks, two lunchboxes, shoes and clothes she's not allowed to bring here etc. etc. etc.

I don't know about y'all, but I'm a mom all the time....even when my son is with his dad.

Someday, maybe we'll actually SHARE custody of this little girl instead of having her torn apart each week.



  1. *HUGS* I can't understand that. That's how Katelyn's "dad" is. I think it's hilarious because he provides NOTHING. No clothes, no shoes, nothing for school, no child support. But if he does buy her something (like once or twice a year) he insists on it staying at his house. It's so weird to me because she rarely even sees him and she doesn't understand why she can't bring her stuff with her back to my house.

  2. Grrrr, stuff like that really burns me! I could never ever disconnect from my child in that manner. It makes me sad.

  3. First the picture is adorable! Second I hope you have a blast on Halloween and third I am so sad for this situation! I can't believe she said that...I just want to punch her brains out!

  4. Lilly is the cutest pumpkin EVER! I love her little hat and outfit! Did you get my email with all the info on hats, bows, clothes and dresses it was a loooong one LO
    I am sad for this situation :( I can't believe she said that!

    My bestie is in the same situation with her ex-husband, he won't bring the clothes and shoes he bought for her to my besties house they have to stay at his,I don't understand it....

    love ya
    Hope you have a great halloween

  5. Ugh... how frustrating and anger inducing indeed! And poor Reagan. The girl has to be confused.

    Lily is so darn cute - as cute as a pumpkin... check that... she is cuter!!!

    What are the rest of the kiddo's going to be?

  6. Lily is so dang cute! I love that pic. :)

    I'm sorry girl. I don't get it. It isn't punishing you and your husband, it's punishing her child. It's wrong. :(

  7. First off - your little girl is so cute in her pumpkin outfit! I can't wait to dress up my little guy for the holidays!

    I'm sorry about the situation with Reagan's mom - how awful for her! How awful for you and you husband, to have to deal with that and watch what it does to that girl.

    I will never understand some people.

  8. i'm so sorry that you have to deal with that. no one should have to! but on the upside...your lily looks so adorable in her halloween outfit! so cute. i hope you guys enjoy halloween!

  9. I effin hate people like that ...Your poor step daughter is going to grow up having such conflict because of her MOM.... What in wrong with that mother trucker....