Wednesday, April 6, 2011


I dread transition days.

    I personally don't have issue with change, per se.

However, I do dread the "stuff" that comes along with transition days in my life.

Reagan's days are Wednesdays and Saturdays.
Andrew's are after he visits with his dad...the few days following.

Andrew tends to be reactive and leans towards having meltdowns easily. 
Sometimes he's also a little mouthy. 
I have been dealing with his transitions since he was 2 1/2 years old.
I know what to expect and how to handle it.  Over the last few years, as he's gotten older, it's
been a shorter transition period because he's better able to verbalize what he's feeling.
An important part of the ease of his transitions is that his dad and I aren't attacking each other all the time.
We both know what's hard for Andrew regardless of what differences we may have.

Last night I asked Andrew if he ever wished he lived with his dad fulltime.
He sharply turned his head towards me and said, "Why?"
I said, "Because I was wondering about how you feel."
His reply, "Sometimes. Because I don't get to see him very much and I miss him."
I said, "I know you do. Imagine how that would be for a minute though, if you lived with your dad
instead of here."
He said, "Well, then I would just miss you all the time."
"Yeah, Andrew, it's just tough all the way around. I do know that."
"Mom, I think it would be harder if I lived there though because I have lived with you my entire life."

His dad is coming from Tennessee to visit this weekend for his hockey tournament.
Andrew is very excited and looking forward to the non-hockey time too. 

The transition time after the weekend, I am not looking forward to, but we will make the best of it, just as always.  It isn't the hard parenting I's the pain my son is in and I hate seeing him go through it.


Reagan's transitions, on the other hand, occur twice a week.

Each Wednesday is a rough one initially.  She comes back home and dumps her garbage.
Some of it truthful, some of it not.
Also, there's an attitude.
Sometimes, it's mouthy, sometimes it's avoidance.

After the 1000 times of:  "Can I tell you something?" and the consistent routine of what Wednesday afternoon and night looks like week in, week out, the transition has ceased.

Thursday and Friday are normal.

Saturday mornings are just like Thursday and Friday.
Saturday early afternoon the transition begins.
The attitude changes.
Anxiety creeps in.
Chattering just to make noise.
Clock watching and "oh I only have ___ much time left".

I dread it.

Now, as I've written about countless times, this little girl has been through a lot in her young life with custodial issues among others. 
We recognize these transition times in her life and do our best to keep things consistent and positive. 

She likes and craves the attention that drama creates, hence the non-truthful stories she tells.

We've explained that she simply makes things harder on herself when she does that.

Do I think it will stop soon? 
Not really.

Which is why I dread the transition days.

Today is a transition day...


  1. Oh girl, I can't imagine how hard those days must be for you.

    But, I love how much you are aware of what is going on and really talk to your kids about it. I'm sure that helps them.

  2. I can't imagine how hard these days are either. You are such a strong woman and handle them so well. You are doing a fantastic job Steph!

  3. Thank God you are an intuitive mommy who pays attention to her children's struggles in and around these transitions. It is hard!!! I do pray that they both grow up to appreciate how much you have done to protect them as well as grow them through these circumstances.

  4. That would be very difficult ((hugs))

  5. i love how candid you are. you've got two strong kiddos and they have the support of a great mom!

  6. Very good description!

    Ben used to have NO transition issues. Unless you count sad goodbyes exchanged.

    Now I feel like I tip toe through a mine field trying to figure out what is going on.

    I want to thank you for being such a god step mom to your girl even when it is so very hard!

    People like you help me so much to believe in trying hard to be flexible, respectful and hopeful for Ben.

    that is all