My House is Different than Yours

It always makes me shake my head when daggers are thrown our way for our parenting, life, choices, home, yeah pretty much everything about us.

Does it make one a better person to continually degrade other people?

I think many people learn that life lesson much younger in life, long before they have children and just don't bring that habit into their child's life, teaching them to put others down. I've never been a fan of hurting others to make oneself feel better.

In thinking about teachers as a whole --the type of people who generally become teachers, there's generally a "type".

We see the diamonds in the rough, the spark in that person who everyone else has said isn't capable. We are positive, optimistic, hopeful. We champion for the best in everyone.  Really, teachers--good teachers--don't give up on people.  That's me.

In addition to the teacher in me, the mom in me has been successfully parenting a school-aged kid for quite some time.  I've had years of experience and know what routines for homework, studying for spelling tests, not letting handwriting be sloppy etc., work. 

Doesn't mean I'm better.

Just means I actually do have a clue.

I don't have to start over from scratch with my stepdaughter on these routines because I've already tried them out on Andrew. 

Yes, she's a different kid, but the basics work. 

Does she sigh when I make her go back to math homework and rewrite the numbers so they're legible?  Yep.  So does my son.  I don't want perfect kids--just kids who are learning that "getting by" isn't enough.  Do your best. Make a 5 look like a 5, not a scribble.  Make your handwriting age appropriate, not chicken scratch.  These are expectations that we have in our house.  All part of the big picture of who we are raising these young people to grow up to be.

Just because my stepdaughter "isn't my kid", doesn't mean I care less about her education and growth as a human being. 

Just because MY role in our home involves school--preparation, studying, reading, encouraging, signing papers, going through backpacks--doesn't mean my husband doesn't care or value it.  Seriously? 

Those roles work in OUR house, so why is it a source of  meaning that "you (my husband) don't care" or "you don't know" for anyone else? 

My house is never going to be like your house.  That's ok with me.  I can't control you. I don't try to control you.

Every. Single. Thing. is a point of issue for biomom. 

The fact that Lily and Reagan share a room--not a big deal.  Apparently it is: http://gotonepastgoalie.blogspot.com/2011/03/sharing-room.html

My husband doesn't do what biomom wants HIM to do, so that equals he doesn't care about his daughter. What?!  That means I'm "the babysitter aka wife" and also "mommy aka wife".  What?!

Clearly, my house is different than yours. AND THAT IS OK!

The "ok" part, you need to get "ok" with.

We had an incident this week with biomom regarding my stepdaughter's spelling list.  It became an "I'm a better parent than you," accusation slinging.  Come on. Seriously? IT'S A SPELLING LIST!

Important background info:

Spelling tests are Fridays.  Lists are individualized. New lists come home Fridays. Reagan is with us on Fridays.

In the past, two lists have come home for the following week's test. One for our house, one for biomom's. Saturday night when Reagan leaves, biomom's list would go back with her. 

About 3 weeks ago, Reagan stopped bringing home two lists and just brought home one.   Saturday evening, I got her school stuff ready to go back to biomom's and off I headed to the grocery store.  I had left our spelling list on the desk. George asked Reagan if it needed to go back to biomom's. Reagan said yes.  So, mistakenly our copy went to biomom's.  No biggie.  We figured it would come back on Wednesday so we could study before her test Friday.  It didn't.  Reagan called biomom Thursday, got the words and that was that.

Two weeks ago, Reag only brought one list. Same thing this past week.

After the 1st week when only one list came home, I had spoken with the teacher and she shared that Reagan had only wanted to bring home our list and would take the one to biomom's on Mondays.  Ok, no big deal.  Or so I thought. 

Seriously, the slinging about how irresponsible we are, how we lie to "cover our asses", our "general failure", how we use Reagan as a "scapegoat for our faults" and on and on ABOUT A SPELLING LIST!!!!!  It's an easy fix ---contact the teacher to find out.

The teacher called me on Monday to wish me happy birthday (so great!) and I asked her to please ensure that Reagan bring home both lists on Fridays.  She is very accomodating to Reagan and her feelings, so when Reag said she only wanted one, that's what she did.  Now, she will ensure biomom gets a spelling list by sending home 2 copies on Friday --one for us, one for biomom--AND sending home another one to biomom on Mondays. From a teacher perspective, you do what you have to do...

SERIOUSLY THIS IS ABOUT A SPELLING LIST!!!!

I just shake my head at the ridiculousness of it.  What the hell are we going to deal with when we have a teenager facing peer pressure, drugs, alcohol etc. if this is what we deal with over a spelling list?

So, instead of either talking with your daughter or contacting the teacher to ask if 2 lists went home, why you didn't get a list, did your daughter ask to start bringing home your list on Mondays....throwing daggers and attacking seems like a more reasonable choice.

My house will always be different than yours. 

And for that I am grateful.