Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Thanks & Giving

Thanksgiving weekend 2008
Andrew, his dad and myself

It's literally just one week away from Thanksgiving.  Where has this year gone? 

When Andrew's dad and I divorced, one of the pieces we had to iron out was holidays.  At the time, we were all living in Nashville still, however Andrew and I would be moving back to Arizona to be closer to my family and for me to return to school thus making holidays even more challenging.  Andrew was 3 when we moved.

My ex-husband and I had a discussion that went something along these lines:

him:   "I don't think it's fair that I don't get to have him on Christmas morning."
me:    "I didn't choose to not be a part of this family and I don't think it's fair that I have to give up Christmas morning with our son because of it."
him:    silence
me:    "When he is old enough to say to me that he wants to be with you on Christmas morning, then he will."

He didn't have much more to say because it was logical.

You know why ?  Because he knew he could trust me.  Despite the fact we were divorcing, he knew he could trust me about our son.

Andrew has not yet spent Christmas morning with his dad in another state. 

About 6 weeks or so ago, I sent Andrew's dad a text message asking him about his Thanksgiving plans.  He told me that he and his fiancee would be in Nashville and not traveling this year.  He had plans to come to visit Andrew either the weekend before or after Andrew's birthday which is Thanksgiving weekend this year. 

I started thinking about how to make this time best for Andrew surrounding a visit with his dad, Thanksgiving and his birthday.

I talked with my husband and he agreed with my decision as long as it was what Andrew really wanted.

So, for a variety of reasons, Andrew will be going to spend the long holiday weekend/break from school and Thanksgiving in Tennessee with his dad and that part of his family. 

This wasn't his dad's prompt, idea or based on any discussion.  This was me, as my child's mother, making a decision that I thought was a benefit to our child regardless of MY time.  You see, I'm giving more than Thanksgiving.  I'm giving my son's 12th birthday too.  And honestly, that's the part that makes me teary eyed. 

Could I hear the surprise in my ex-husband's voice? Yes.  But, not shock.  Just grateful for the time and understanding how I feel about Andrew's birthday, he was taken aback.

This Thanksgiving will be our little family of three--George, Lily and myself--celebrating with my Pittsburgh parents (that's your new name, Granny & Pappy, if I don't say G&P). Reagan will be with BM this year per their holiday schedule. 

I am so, so grateful for the parenting relationship Andrew's dad and I have. And yes, he parents even though he lives in another state. He's involved with school info, Scouts, hockey, and whatever else is part of Andrew's life.  I appreciate that I can text or call him and we can have a conversation. He sends me pictures, I send him pictures. He knew what Andrew's costume looked like before y'all did. ;)  He doesn't make issue that Andrew has another dad in his life everyday. He doesn't bad mouth our son's family to our son.

We're our son's parents.  And we share in his triumphs and his challenges together.


  1. Andrew is so lucky to have parents that get along after divorce, unfortunately this is not the norm in today's society.

    My parents are divorced and they have gotten along for the past 14 years, it has made life easy for my brother and I and I am grateful.

    There is so much hate in this world, children shouldn't have to witness it among their parents.

    Great Post!

  2. Andrew is very lucky to have parents that can communicate, understand and put him first in everything. You guys are great parents :)

  3. what a lucky boy. and you, my friend, are truly inspirational!

  4. How great is that, that your guys get along so well and can communicate so good. What a selfless thing you did letting him go there for his Birthday/Thanksgiving. You seem like a great mom. He's lucky to have you both. :)

  5. Andrew is a lucky boy! And, seriously, you are a wonderful person! Not many people get along after breaking up, even with kids involved!