Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Lies & Hope

There are days when I completely embrace the blend that is my family.
And then there are days when, quite honestly, it SUCKS to be a stepmom.  For the last five months I have been a full-time custodial stepmom.  Reagan now lives with us the majority of the time. Far cry from the every other weekend we started with.  There are so many times I shake my head wondering why BM put us through everything she did to end up handing Reagan over fulltime.  I'm grateful that little girl lives here and we're so proud of who she is becoming.

Unfortunately the drama never ends.
Like clockwork, Monday afternoons when she gets home from school, she unloads all of her crap she carries from BMs. 
"We saw you this morning at school and of course there were comments made about you in the car."

Oh well, 'cause what was going on in my car was music, laughing and dancing.  That's what Andrew heads off to school with instead of the negativity in the other car, Reag heads off with.

Then the laundry list of comments made comes out.  That crap doesn't mean anything to me.  What makes me angry is that Reagan has to endure it.  Seriously who continually talks crap TO their child? It's so frustrating.

The thing that has remained consistent is that my stepdaughter struggles with lying continually. 

Most often BM doesn't pick up on Friday afternoons at school. BM sends her parents.  Well Gpa likes to pick Reagan up and carry her to the car like she's a baby.  Physically pick her up and carry her. She'll be eight years old in a month. Reag talks about how embarrassed she is by it when she's here.  George addressed it with BM. BM interrogated Reag about it and Reag told her she's not embarrassed.

That's pretty much how the cycle goes.

Then Reag comes back home and says she didn't tell BM the truth because she didn't want to get yelled at.
Well, hey guess what? We don't want to deal with your mom either, but suck it up because we all have to.

When does it end?

What's actually the truth?

Even with professionals working to help, the cycle continues.

One thing that sets me off is lying and liars.

I guess BM thinks that when you teach a kid to lie that they won't lie everywhere. Lately it's been school.

Some times I want to throw my hands up and say, "oh well."

We just have to do what we can to counteract the destructive values being taught and pray that the contrast sticks.  I think Reagan is going to have to learn her lessons from experiences though--the consequences of her choices to be honest or lie.  Life lessons about friendships and relationships at school.  Maybe that will be the eye-opener for her.

I hope.


  1. I have been in your shoes. I have had to deal with BM and the children we had full time custody of lying at each house. They feel caught in teh middle and do not want to make either parent mad. So they totally say what they think you want to hear. Keep with the positive LOVE and actions. It will pay off in the long run. Sorry to say... but I do mean long run. Like late teens when they are actually mature enough to start processing it all. Hang in there!!

  2. So sad for Reagan. There is going to be a day that she surpasses her mother's immaturity and she will have you to thank.

  3. I am with Chell... it's going to take a LONG time for your love, compassion and patience to pay off as far as Reagan is concerned.
    If you think about this - all she is knows are lies when it comes to her mom.
    I deal with a different situation (I'm like your husband dealing with a douche bag ex-spouse) and my eight year old STRUGGLES with standing up for herself and putting an end to any insanity that comes out of her fathers mouth.
    Just like the time it has taken from going to having her just on the weekends to having her almost full time - it's just going to take time and patience. Yuck... I suck at patience but you're doing an amazing job!!

  4. I don't know what you're going through. It's unfortunate for this little girl though. Of course she isn't going to tell the truth if she is being interrogated by BM.

    You are exactly right though. She will have to learn on her own, which is unfortunate because she could learn from parenting techniques. This wouldn't work because both sides of the equation are not on the same level as far as parenting goes.

    I wish you all the best. Lots of patience and understanding your way girl!