Tuesday, May 29, 2012

17 Years

Last Sunday I got a text from an old friend. 

She's not old, of course, but old meaning we've been friends since junior high school and since we graduated 22 years ago, well, that's just too much math for me, so suffice to say...a dear, lifelong friend. :)

She and her husband, who is also that long of friend, and their children were heading to the cemetery to visit her mother's grave.  Her mother and my father are in the same cemetery. 

We had emailed once last Fall about where my dad was located and where her mom was when we'd learned they were in the same cemetery.   It was honestly quite awhile ago and life is busy and until I got her text, the conversation was simply filed away in the back of my mind.  We have 7 children between us. She and her husband are both plugging away through nursing school and working also.  When I got her text asking me to remind her where my dad was located, my eyes instantly filled with tears.  It was so thoughtful and so out of the blue for me.   I gave her the directions to where in the cemetery he is and she and her family took time to take care of my dad's stone and leave flowers.  It was very much appreciated!

My dad's marker is under a tree. :)

May 28, 1995, was a life altering day. 

I miss him every single day of my life. 

I'm not sadder just because it's an anniversary date. It marks a passage of time for me. 

I find myself missing him more when I hear Andrew say something he would laugh at or watching Lily kiss her daddy to get a taste of his popsicle on his lips because I used to do the same with Kool-aid with him when I was little.  I find myself missing him when I see old couples holding hands and I'm sad for my mom. I find myself missing him when I think about all the things my kids don't even know they're missing for not having him in their lives. I find myself missing him when my husband says something almost word for word, he had said.  It's difficult when the love of my life and my children don't know someone so very important to me...still.  We talk about him openly so it's not foreign to them, but it is very removed because they don't know him in person.

Those moments happen at any random time, not simply on a birthday or anniversary date.  I so very much appreciate the rememberence and acknowledgement from friends and family. 

I'm very reflective as it is and I've been very blessed to have good, good people in my life who love me and accept all of me.  Thank you for walking beside me in my journeys...especially when they are difficult.  I spent this, the 17th anniversary of my dad's death, with people I love... who love me, love my family and even those who love my dad. I choose to honor him by living.

My dad, my cousin Jonny, our Oma, and me.


  1. Beautifully written my friend. If your dad was anything like you, his spirit continues to live on, through all of the good that you do, daily. 17 years is long time, but not forgotten, thankful to see you are surrounded by good friends and great family! Hugs to you, xoxo

  2. Moved me to tears. Your Dad was born very close to the time I was and I am sorry you lost him way too early. Your honoring him by living and by keeping him alive in your family is the most wonderful thing in the world.

    As to your friend...what a wonderful thing she did to visit his resting place, clean it up and place fresh flowers. She is indeed special.

  3. hugs to you friend. This def brought tears to my eyes! So sweet of your friend to go to your dads grave and clean it and leave flowers!

  4. This was such a sweet post. I'm sure you miss him terribly, but what a great way to honor him.
    You have a wonderful friend.

  5. This is the same way I feel about my sister. She's been gone so long almost no one in my life currently knew her. Its unfortunate! But we talk about her, have her photo on display, and she is always thought of and never forgotten! Hugs, friend! I love the childhood photo! :-)

  6. Hugs to you.

    I have tears in my eyes. Knowing what you feel. Knowing how every day goes by that you think of him. Wishing he could see just how things are now. Just know that he does see and know what is going on.

    Wonderfully written. Your friend is so sweet. Hugs to her as well.