Saturday, May 5, 2012

The Chaos Behind It

You can find Part One {the kid version}here.

The grown up part of the birthday sleepover went something like this.

I wrote about inflexibilty recently surrounding this party. The chaos continued, naturally.

Right after Easter I got an email from Reagan's best friend's mom about the slumber party. George forwarded the information to BM and proposed this: let Reag ride the bus home Friday so she can go and we'll pick her up Saturday morning and take her to BM's. BM replied only for the bff's mom to contact her directly.  BM also told Reag not unless bff mom contacts me directly. I email bff mom and ask her to appease BM for Reagan's sake.

Eventually, BM says yes to bff mom with the condition only if George takes Reagan{Of course, we're going to take her despite the stupidity of BM's control freak actions leading up to that.} 

So here's how this is supposed to go when it was all finalized: Reagan rides bus home from school Friday. We take her to the party. BM picks up Saturday morning.

Simple right?

No, of course not. BM is involved. 

George gets an email from BM yesterday afternoon saying she no longer has access to a car on Saturday and needs him to pick Reagan up from the party.  Ummm, seems to me we suggested that mid-APRIL, but that wasn't an acceptable option.

Well, last minute doesn't work out for us this time.  See, after the initial removal of our participation in facilitating Reagan going to the birthday party, my husband had planned on going fishing this weekend. Again, in April this was planned.  I supported the fishing trip and told him to continue despite him saying he didn't want me to have to feel pressure to ensure Reag was going to the party after BM said Reagan could go only if we took her. Again, of course we're going to take her.

After he got home from work and we took care of our family's business, he emailed BM.  This was after her second email to answer her ASAP or she'd have to pick Reagan up tonight. HA! Totally expected that. Threaten to ruin it for Reagan by making her leave the party.

George said we weren't available to drive Reag to BM's, but we could pick her up after the party {which is 5 minutes from us} and BM could pick her up when she had a car.

The reply was this: "There's no need. We figured it out since you couldn't be bothered to respond sooner."


Seriously.  He is not at your beck and call and it is not his responsibility to work out your issues.

After previously in the week telling BM that I have no interest in continuing email between the two of us because we need to be able to speak to one another like adults so emailing needs to cease, I get this text message from her:

Apparently, she thinks that texting me is acceptable as the alternative.  Mind you, this is the first time in five years she has sent me a text message. {I think the last one I sent to her 3+ years ago said, "you are nuts."}

Also, it is not from her cell phone number because we're not allowed to have that.  She actually once told a family court judge during our trial when the judge asked for her phone number that it was private and she wasn't giving it. hahahaha! Narcissistic much?

I replied:

I recognize that there ARE things she may need to contact me about regarding Reagan, but just make a quick phone call and be done with it especially since I have asked as much. And the times when I have needed to get a hold of her during the school day, she doesn't answer her home phone anyway.   In this case, she'd already emailed George again, so there was no need for the text to me at all.

And quite honestly, I do not need my life inundated with BM at every turn. It's bad enough as it is.

This morning, Reag comes up to the door and says, "My mom wanted me to drop my stuff off and get my bookbag."  No biggie.  She said she had a good time at the party, but was also nervous 'cause her mom picked her up.  Seriously. The amount of crazy is disgusting. LET THE KID JUST BE A KID!!!!

Looks like BM took her husband to work and had their car. {that's my assumption, however.}

Whatever. Instead of being psycho that my husband didn't jump on your time frame, you could have simply accepted the offer BACK IN APRIL when we offered to bring her home in the first place before creating a psychotic chaotic scenario for everyone~especially Reagan and her friend's family. 

If she'd learn to quit being so controlling, everyone could have just made those plans and moved on. Reag could have been happy about going to a party for a few weeks instead of worrying about it constantly and also worrying that BM would change her mind {she almost went and picked her up during the party remember, so R's feelings are valid}, BM wouldn't have had to stress about the car and figuring it all day yesterday and getting pissed George didn't answer her during her time frame.

See? Would have been STRESS free.  But, people who have to have things their way or no way, never see that.  There is no "co" in coparenting.

I'm so grateful for the place my husband and I are in together.  The chaos BM stirs up just causes us to shake our heads, say a prayer for Reag and move forward. 

I think BM could cluster up a trainwreck.

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