Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Getting on the Same Page

Mid-afternoon the phone rang. 

It was close to Lily's waking up time, but I answered anyway.

It was Reagan's mother.

I had recently said to her if she had something to say to me to call, not email or text.

This time she called.

Of course, it's not the most comfortable of situations for either of us, but she asked if I had a minute to talk and I did.

So we did.

While, the specific words are not necessarily important to journal here, the turning a corner is.

We {she and I --I know weird, huh.} are both at the point where enough is enough.

Some past tendencies on both our parts started to leak out on the phone, however we were able to redirect the conversation back to what matters and why we are even in each other's lives at all. 

Neither of us is going away.

We've got to figure out a way to be on the same page about Reagan on some level.  There will have to be give and take on both of our parts.

She shared a few things that I was surprised by. And I believed her.

I did hear some surprise in her voice as I think she realized some things I said were truthful, but maybe I'm just hopeful.

I feel it's a very simple fix to start.

If she and I present the front to Reagan that we are on the same page, much of the back and forth will simply be eliminated.  Does it mean we're going to be the best of friends? No, but it will show the daughter we share that pitting her mothers against each other does nothing good for her own life.  I think we both want a peaceful existance in our lives. I know I do.

I spoke with Reagan later this afternoon. I asked her a couple tough questions {that I already knew the answers to} and saw her immediately tense up. To her credit, she owned up. 

After getting to the heart of some of this, I shared with her that she is modeling behavior both good and bad for her baby sisters. Even though they're both little, they still look up to her.

Lily squeals with excitement, screaming her name when she comes in the door on Mondays and each day after school. She's started crying when Reag leaves for school and she asks for her over the weekends looking for her. I know it makes her feel good when Lily is so excited to see her.  I told her that I'm sure Roxy is the same only she can't say it yet, just like when Lily was tiny, but I bet she smiles when she sees her. Reagan smiled pridefully and said she understands what I mean about modeling her behaviors.

I asked her what she thought could make things different with the 3 of us~her mom, her and myself. She made a suggestion about all of us talking "in a room together."  {this actually made me laugh to myself picturing all of us trapped in a room together}  I told her it was an idea and she should talk to her mom about it.  I also suggested to her that she might feel less worry and stress if she was just truthful to both of us.

She spoke with her mother this evening and owned up with her about some things as well.  I feel sure they'll talk more when Reag goes there this weekend. I hope the open-mindedness is there with Reagan's mother and that Reag remains truthful...even when it's hard.  Time will tell.

Maybe if we can find a way to simply get on the same page, we can just start a new chapter.

 As I said earlier, something's gotta give.


  1. I sure hope this works out, Steph. Definitely a great first step!

  2. I am very glad for R that things are being worked out. :) Hugs to you my friend!

    1. Thank you! I hope it happens this time.